Snooki Has A Firm Grasp On Reality

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Hey remember when you made fun of Snooki because she looks like she asks people riddles to cross her bridge? Yeah? You do? Well, that’s because ur a bunch of jealous haterz!Us Magazine reports:

“The negative stuff? I get off on it,” the self-described Jersey Shore “guidette,” 22, tells the new Rolling Stone. “Because the only reason why people talk negative is because they’re jealous. Every time they call me a midget, Oompa-Loompa, orange, they’re just jealous. It makes me want to be more ridiculous and more stupid.”

Yeah, that’s it. We’re jealous. We’re jealous because we want to order a booster seat with our vodka shooters. We’re jealous because you look like a shaved koala dipped in self-tanner and STDs. We’re jealous because we all want to be considered comical stereotypes that we don’t even belong to. That’s it. Another theory you might want to consider is that you’re an annoying 3’8″ Chilean whore who General Pinochet would shoot in the back of the head if he was alive. Also, you dress like fucking dickhead.

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