Tom Hardy, the breakout star of Christopher Nolan’s brilliant Inception, has won the hearts and wet the panties of women around the world with his portrayal of Eames the forg…BOOM! Daily Mail reports:
But asked if he’d ever had any sexual relations with other men, the broody actor said: ‘As a boy? Of course I have. I’m an actor for fuck’s sake. ‘I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me. ‘I’m done experimenting but there’s plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. ‘A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine.’ In an interview with Now magazine, the former party-boy who has battled drink, drugs and crime to turn his life around, added: ‘A lot of people say I seem masculine, but I don’t feel it. ‘I feel intrinsically feminine. I’d love to be one of the boys but I always felt a bit on the outside. ‘Maybe my masculine qualities come from overcompensating because I’m not one of the boys.’
I realize this guy is engaged to British actress Charlotte Riley and has a kid from another chick, but if you one day find a cock in your mouth, you’re gay. There’s no way around that. I know people will argue that he is evolved and doesn’t adhere to gender norms that forced him into a box of masculinity, but if you you’re man, and you have to wipe semen out of your eye, you’re a queer. This guy could chop down an entire forest with a blue ox and beat up Bigfoot in a cage match, and his obituary would still include the words “used to jack off dudes”
[Gallery not found]
The title of these pictures are “Kim Kardashian in leggings leaving Barry’s Bootcamp, Sherman Oaks 28/7″. Okay. So what do they do at this bootcamp, make s’mores? I’m confused.
Witnesses in a cocaine scandal, which involved the closing of clubs in Milan and Los Angeles and lead to the arrest of five people, has named George Clooney’s girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, in their testimony.
RadarOnline.com has discovered that Canalis has been implicated in an Italian cocaine scandal where one witness testified: “I’ve done cocaine with other people including Elisabetta Canalis.” According to one of Italy’s most prestigious newspapers, Corriere della Sera, an investigation was launched in 2008 into two Milan, Italy nightclubs that were allegedly running an escort and prostitution ring fueled by alcohol and cocaine. Those nightclubs were regularly frequented by celebrities. “They [the girls] were brought into the clubs by the various characters acting as PR for the evenings to entertain customers at the tables of the private club,” prosecutor Frank Di Maio stated in the investigative documents. “Their job was to encourage these customers to drink alcohol as to increase the table’s bill, followed up by sex off premises.”
It’s kinda hard to tell from this story, but was Elisabetta Canalis one of the celebrities or one of the prostitutes? Also, what is this lump on my arm? It’s really starting to freak me out.
Katy Perry’s boyfriend and comedian(?) Russell Brand was in NYC yesterday where he was shooting the remake of the didn’t-need-to-be-remade-classic, Arthur. Of course, he won’t be anywhere near as great as Dudley Moore, but he’s British and talks really fast, so I guess that’s all Hollywood really needed. I can’t wait to see who they cast as the black guy who dies first and the Asian woman who holds a cat and screams incoherently when he asks for extra starch.
In the issue of Star Magazine on stands today, Angelina Jolie is seen in “eight never-before-seen graphic photos” doing heroin while wearing a dog leash and nipple tape. I don’t know if Star Magazine missed the whole point of this or not, but I can’t be the only one turned on right now.
In one set, the now-mother of six has black tape over her nipples and a dog leash around her neck. Others show her during a 14-hour heroin-smoking bender. “The photographs are a startling reminder to Angelina of a period in her life I’m sure she wants to forget, a shady piece of her history that she’s kept hidden away, even from Brad,” celebrity biographer Andrew Morton, author of Angelina: An Unauthorized Biography, tells Star in our cover story.
Really? That’s it? Heroin and a dog leash? It’s Angelina Jolie in 1999. Just be glad these aren’t pictures of her sucking off a horse and drinking the blood of a homeless while reading from the Necronomicon.
[Gallery not found]
Last week, Alessandra Ambrosio was in St. Barts with Victoria’s Secret doing her part to cure erectile dysfunction, so now here’s Adriana Lima. It’s hard to tell exactly how perfect her boobs are, but I think there’s a good chance that if I licked them I would gain the power of flight.
Katy Perry in a rubber bikini [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff‘s boobs love Texas [Popoholic]
Julianne Moore cameltoe [TaxiDriver Movie]
Audrina Patridge‘s surgeon has lobster claws for hands [Celebslam]
Greek girl gone wild [COED Magazine]
Tom Hardy’s pubes. This one’s for Jessica [Dlisted]
Surprise! Brittany Murphy‘s husband spent all her money [Popeater]
I need to get Zoe Saldana pregnant [Just Jared]
I need to get Victoria Justice pregnant. In six months. [Egotastic]
Nicole Kidman nude [Cityrag]
John Hamm doesn’t have the “marriage chip” [Cele|bitchy]
Ladies, take these pictures to your surgeon. Thank you. [The Chive]
Amanda Mrowiec. I really need to get her pregnant. Now. [Heyman Hustle]
[Gallery not found]
Jessica Biel was in London yesterday in a see through dress to promote the totally unnecessary movie adaption of The A-Team. A dress that she may or may not have put on immediately after I banged her. There are more pictures, of course, like this one when she saw my penis. And this one of her imagining what sex with it would be like. And her imagining the house we would live in. And the kind of car I would drive. Then this one of her ready to cuddle. And this one of…uhhh, can somebody stop me please?
Lindsay has learned a valuable lesson in humility and how to live your life with quiet dignity while in jail, so to prove she has changed “several top stylists and hair and makeup people that Lindsay loves in Los Angeles have been put on hold from midnight on Thursday through the entire weekend”. And of course, all the gays are in a tizzy to make Lindsay’s 30 second walk out of jail into her own personal runway. Popeater reports:
“I am sure Lindsay will be sick of orange and jumpsuits and I definitely think ankle bracelets are out,” Phillip Bloch, celebrity stylist and author of ‘The Shopping Diet,’ tells me. “Knowing Lindsay I expect her to emerge in some skin tight jeans and some uber-trendy layered top. If I had the opportunity to dress her (Philip dressed Halle Berry when she accepted her Oscar) when she exits jail I would put her in a soft and flowy sundress a la Natalie Wood. It wouldn’t be bad to soften up her image at this point.”
However, Lindsay and gays must realize that most jails don’t have Vidal Sassoon displays or a staff who are willing to bow to her every delusional whim.
“There is a small, dirty public bathroom in the reception area that she will be allowed to use briefly before she leaves,” an insider very familiar with Century Regional Correctional Facility tells me. “She will not be allowed to plug in a hairdryer and get a blow out and she can forget about using a flattening iron. There will be no full-length mirror and only if the corrections officers decide to be nice will they close the area to the public. Remember everyone who works at that jail hates the press. They don’t want to be bothered with all this nonsense and want to rid themselves of Lindsay as quickly as possible.”
Lindsay is also reportedly throwing a tantrum because she has to immediately report to rehab upon her release. Well, then. You know who won’t be upset upon their release? My vampire cyborg pumas that have been recalibrated to only hunt semen-filled gingers high on prescription meds. Their hearts soulless, their hunger insatiable. They will return to me with no knowledge of who they are…or what they have done.
[Gallery not found]
Well played, Orlando Bloom. Well played, my friend.
Not only did the lovebirds recently pull off a totally under-the-radar wedding, but a source tells the new issue of Us Weekly that the Victoria’s Secret model, 27, has been keeping something else classified as well: She’s pregnant! “She’s definitely pregnant… Miranda’s thrilled,” says a source close to the Australia native, who wed the actor, 33, at an undisclosed location — reportedly in the Caribbean — less than a month after revealing their engagement on June 21. “She’s telling all her friends, mostly other models, about it.”
Exactly. Marry a Victoria’s Secret model and knock her up immediately. Even if Orlando Bloom next acting gig for the rest of his life is a recurring role as a guest star on CSI: Fuquay-Varina, his penis would still be dipped in gold and thrown a parade.