Miranda Kerr Got Married

I guess since she thought I would show up, Miranda Kerr secretly married her longtime boyfriend, British actor and prissy gaywad, Orlando Bloom this weekend. The were engaged last month. Whatever, I’ve fucked wives before. Popeater reports:

In a statement released early Friday morning in Australia (Thursday evening in the eastern United States), the David Jones retail chain said Kerr would not be participating as its “fashion ambassador” in an expected summer fashion launch next week because she would be on her honeymoon. Kerr was quoted as saying: ”We have been trying to plan this for some time and unfortunately the only window of opportunity for our honeymoon fell at the same time as the David Jones fashion launch. David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together.”

No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Orlando Bloom is on his honeymoon with a Victoria’s Secret model. I just scratched off three sailboats in a row. Me and Orlando, just livin’ the dream!

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