Senior Deputy District Attorney Don Rees cited “contradictory evidence, conflicting witness statements, credibility issues, lack of forensic evidence and denials by Mr. Gore” in a memo to Multnomah County District Attorney Michael Schrunk. According to Rees, Molly Hagerty — the woman who claimed that Gore propositioned her and tried to hug her when she came to his hotel room to give him a massage — failed a polygraph test and would not say if she was paid by a tabloid newspaper for her story. He also said her attorneys were uncooperative.
This masseuse first brought her story to the public eye in 2006 and has been pretty uncooperative in the investigation until recently. I think it was safe to say even four years ago that this would be the outcome. Politicians have secured their reputations as lechers and lotharios since the beginning of politics itself, so it’s no wonder every waitress and secretary from D.C. to L.A. has tried, often successfully, to exploit that fact for personal gain. That being said, even if he didn’t come on to me, I would still want to sue someone after massaging Al Gore. That is one ugly man.
Since the banner picture sent my libido into hibernation, here are some mighty fine fellas to bring it back. You’re welcome ladies:
Earlier this week, the Inception star made a few comments that portrayed him as being gayer than eight guys fucking nine. Well, apparently, we were mistaken in that assumption. E! Online reports:
“It’s all taken out of context,” a source close to the rising star claimed after we asked about the article. “He was discussing a gay role and quotes coming from the character,” the same person defends.
”Taken out of context” is PR code for “my client doesn’t know when to shut up”. This guy is clearly a homo. Look at those lips! If he’s not using them to suck cock, then he’s doing a huge disservice to the gay community. Besides, he’s far too pretty to be straight. And by pretty, I don’t mean DAAAAAMMNN BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT! I mean he would look gorgeous in a minidress and a pair of Louboutins.
When your 15 minutes are solely based on your ability to get shitfaced, yeah, I’d say this was inevitable. And not at all for publicity. According to TMZ:
Law enforcement sources tell us the Seaside Heights PD busted Snooki moments ago for disorderly conduct. The details of that conduct are unclear. We’re told Snooki — real name Nicole Polizzi — is currently in police custody. Earlier in the day, Snooki was partying on the beach with a beer bong … only she was filling it up with Coca-Cola. We’re told she was also seen at a local bar taking “body shots.”
Okay, I admit I didn’t miss a single episode of the first season of Jersey Shore. I know, I know! But it was for the same reason I would poke at roadkill with a stick when I was little (true story) – I am one fucked up little lady. I mean, you put together a group of half-breeds and half-wits who serve as the poster children for melanoma and ‘roid rage, give them a bottle of Jäger, throw in a couple of Bump-Its, and let the rest play out on it’s own? That’s pure GOLD in my book. But I digress… why the hell would anyone put Coke in a beer bong? To see how fast those empty calories go straight to your thighs? Well done Snooks- you seem to be winning that race.
According to the comments on the Tom Hardy post yesterday, I’m a hateful homophobic who is living a lie as a secret homosexual because I don’t fantasize about other guy’s dongs in my mouth. So while you try to figure out that logic and while I try to avoid looking directly into the projection of the commenters, here is somebody I would actually like to fuck in the ass. Specifically, Jessica Biel at The A-Team premiere in Berlin. I know she doesn’t have a prostate, but I think I’m secure enough in my masculinity to be okay with that.
In recent years, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Shauna Sand, and Kendra Wilkinson have all claimed to have had private sex tapes stolen as part of their backroom deal with the distribution company to generate interest and maximize their cut of the profits. To which Montana Fisburne, actor Laurence Fishburne’s 19-year old daughter, replied “fuck all that. I don’t have all damn day, you know.”
TMZ has learned Montana Fishburne is starring in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment — explaining, “I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.” Unlike the celeb she admires — Montana is not arguing that her tape was stolen or obtained illegally. We’re told the flick is set to be released in August. Montana also talked to CarltonJordan.com about her new gig, saying “The first time is really nerve racking … but, I have a lot of at-home experience.”
To make matters worse, the guy in the sex tape is Brian Bumper. An actual porn star. Christ, this chick doesn’t mess around. I’ve seen public executions that were more subtle than this.
Lindsay Lohan has been in the Lynwood Correctional Center for nine days, and from Day 1 her and her family having been telling anyone who would listen that she’s Nelson Mandela chained to a car engine in Michael Vick’s backyard being guarded by the SS. Man, I wonder what all this enabling has done for Lindsay? I bet it’s not counterproductive at all. Star Magazine reports:
“The other day Lindsay was freaking out because she wanted another blanket. She kept yelling out, ‘Hello! I asked for a blanket like two hours ago! I’m getting sick!’ It went on for hours.” “My sister told me that Lindsay was complaining about not having any bottled water to drink, and saying that unpurified water makes her sick. But this isn’t some fancy hotel. If inmates want water, they drink good old Los Angeles tap water. “Then she was demanding someone bring her a fan. She said she was going to pass out. Of course she didn’t get it — or the water.“
And of course, Dina Lohan thought “jail” meant “day spa”.
“She doesn’t have cell phone privileges, that’s absurd. She doesn’t even have a pillow to sleep on,” Dina told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “I talk to her through glass. There’s a phone and we put her on speaker but I can’t even hug my daughter. She’s treated like a common criminal.”
Look, I don’t want to ruin the surprise for Dina, but her daughter is in JAIL. You don’t get sentenced to 90 for scratching off three sailboats on a lottery ticket or winning the Showcase Showdown, you go to jail because you’re a drunk bitch who can’t handle her blow. Hope that clears everything up!
Less than a day after Ellen Degeneres announced she was leaving American Idol after one season, she has been replaced by someone with even less musical talent.
We’ve just learned the backstory of how Ellen DeGeneres bowed out of American Idol and who will be the new judge taking her place. It’s Jennifer Lopez, JENNIFER LOPEZ whose singing and acting career has been on the skids after her recent movie failed at the box office in the spring and she was dropped by her record company Sony Music Epic Records this past winter...As for Ellen Degeneres, we’re told she wanted off the show two months ago and complained that Idol producers “couldn’t control Cowell”, one insider tells us. Least of all Cecile Frot-Coutaz, the CEO of FremantleMedia North America. “Cecile is doing X Factor with Simon, so she’s in his back pocket.” DeGeneres and her reps went in to to see Fox Broadcasting’s Entertainment Chairman Peter Rice and Alternative TV President Mike Darnell and asked to be let out of the year left on her contract. “She’s not comfortable. She’s not happy. It’s not been fun,” Fox was told. But Rice and Darnell responded that, with Cowell leaving, “We can’t let you out now because it would be bad for our franchise. Give us a chance to figure out who we could get.”
So, it will be Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, Jennifer Lopez, and whoever replaces Simon, right? Wrong. Kara DioGuardi just got fired. TMZ reports:
Sources connected with the “American Idol” negotiations tell TMZ Kara DioGuardi has judged her last contestant on “American Idol” — because she’s been fired. We’re told the show will be going back to a three-judge format and assuming all deals are finalized, the judge’s panel will consist of Randy Jackson, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. We’re told the only way Kara could get a reprieve is if the J-Lo deal falls apart — but we’re told that deal is done.
I just feel bad for Perez Hilton. Not really. He’s been tweeting all night literally begging for the job and thinks he and Jessica Simpon would be a better option than Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. Yeah, because that’s what America wants to see. A guy with cockbreath and sequins offering singing advice while he waits for the fat blonde next to him to finish her Big Gulp and coloring a picture of a bacon cake with hearts around it. If I was Randy Jackson behind the desk with these two, I wouldn’t last five minutes before I set myself on fire.
While America is fighting two seemingly never-ending wars and dealing with one of the worst natural disasters in our country’s history, Barack Obama became the first sitting president to be a guest on a daytime talk show by appearing on The View this morning. Popeater reports:
Barbara Walters, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the rest of the ‘View’ crew welcomed Obama for what was was the first appearance on a daytime talk show by a sitting president. “Should Snooki run as mayor of Wasilla?” asked Behar during the rapid-fire round. After chuckling, Obama responded: “I got to admit, I don’t know who Snooki is.” He was also asked if he knew Lohan was in jail. Indeed he did, however he couldn’t quite remember why he would know that. “Does Mel Gibson need anger management?” Behar asked. “I haven’t seen a Mel Gibson movie in a while,” Obama dodged.
Man, that’s awesome. Coming across as cool enough to know about pop culture, but serious enough not to seem too interested in it. Especially, the Snooki part! That was great! Except in the below video at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where he made a Jersey Shore reference. So either he knows what a Snooki is and forgot or the words he says are meaningless, hollow words on the page that should be scrutinized and questioned at every opportunity. Another things that should be questioned at every opportunity? Crocs.