Ancestry.com has discovered that Robert Pattinson and Vlad The Impaler are distant cousins. Um, sure, okay. Jennifer’s phone reports:
Robert Pattinson isn’t the only famous vampire in his family. Genealogists say the 24-year-old “Twilight” star is related to Vlad the Impaler, widely cited as the inspiration for the main character in Bram Stoker’s “Dracula.” Researchers at Ancestry.com discovered that Pattinson and the Transylvanian leader (real name: Vlad III Dracula) are connected through their relationship to the British royal family. Prince William and Prince Harry are Pattinson’s distant cousins; Vlad the Impaler was their distant uncle. “Tracing Pattinson’s family back to Vlad was difficult research, but the pieces that unraveled created the perfect accompaniment to the Twilight Saga,” said Anastasia Tyler, a genealogist at Ancestry.com. “Without any myth or magic, we find royalty and vampires lurking in Pattinson’s life – making his story just as supernatural as the one he’s playing on screen.”
Really? “Vampires lurking in Pattinson’s life”? Where, in his diary? Because saying Robert Pattinson is related to Dracula is like me saying I’m related to Marshall Bravestarr. Does that mean I have the powers of hawk, wolf, puma and bear? No, because Marshall Bravestarr doesn’t exist. Neither does Dracula. Or Edward Cullen. The only way this story would make any topical sense is if they discovered Robert Pattinson was related to GLAAD The Impaler.
Hey, look, Sophie Turner‘s ass! How did that get in here? Oh, that Sophie, always up to no good!