The Oscar Nominees Were Announced Today

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The nominees for the 82nd Annual Academy Awards were announced earlier this morning, and since I think everything is about me, I put my prediction in italics. The only people on this list who deserve an Oscar are Jeff Bridges and the utterly brilliant Cristoph Waltz, so my winners are what I’ve come to expect from the Academy. When a 3D remake of Pocahontas is the toast of the town, you should really consider reading some pamphlets on suicide. You know, just to consider all of your options.

Best Actress In A Supporting Role
Penelope Cruz – Nine
Vera Farmiga – Up In The Air
Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick – Up In The Air
Mo’nique – Precious
Todd – Don’t Care. Maybe Maggie Gyllenhall. Maybe that fat black chick. Oh, who gives a shit.

Best Actor In A Supporting Role
Matt Damon – Invictus
Woody Harrelson – The Messenger
Christopher Plummer – The Last Station
Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones
Cristoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds

Best Actress In A Leading Role
Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side
Helen Mirren – The Last Station
Carey Mulligan – An Education
Gabourey Sidibe – Precious
Meryl Streep – Julie & Julia

Best Actor In A Leading
Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart
George Clooney – Up In The Air
Colin Firth – A Single Man
Morgan Freeman – Invictus
Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker

Best Director
James Cameron – Avatar
Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker
Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds
Lee Daniels – Precious
Jason Reitman – Up In The Air

Best Original Screenplay
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
The Messenger
A Serious Man

Best Picture
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
A Serious Man
Up in the Air

NOTE: If you didn’t like Up, you have no soul and should be thrown into a pit of fire with demon tigers, because obviously you are dead inside.

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