Tits On The Ground!

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Scientists and leading researchers have pondered for years how Lindsay Lohan could have more cocks inside her than a KFC and not have a sex tape, but yeah, they can stop worrying now. The Daily Mail reports:

The Mean Girls actress is currently bracing herself for the internet release of a private video file…The man offering around the sex video is a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant, according to the Daily Mirror…He has been told he has to release the footage to an ‘offshore porn site’, and it will then be available across the world. Now a source told the Mirror: ‘This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.’ They added: ‘If and when it is released on the internet, via a spurious, unofficial website, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it.’

“Private video file”? I love the British, but seriously. This video isn’t some counter-intelligence that Lindsay gathered for M to stop Quantum from taking over Bolivia’s water supply. In a more likely scenario, it’s Lindsay Lohan with her panties around her neck fumbling for her lighter while some dude fucks her in the ass. And let’s not pretend it’s something Lindsay doesn’t want to get out. If she had a reality show, it would be sponsored by Plan B One-Step and anal beads, so let’s not get too carried away here.

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