Some Event Looks Good

I have no idea what the Art Of Elysium Event is, but apparently it’s pretty popular because the 3rd Annual Art Of Elysium Event was this weekend. I just want to know who is responsible for sending out the invitations for this thing, because apparently he’s read my penis’ diary.

Minka Kelly is reportedly engaged to New York Yankees’ shortstop Derek Jeter, so not only does she have bad taste, she’s probably asked a doctor about “future outbreaks”.

Katy Perry showed up with her boyfriend, Russell Brand, and I really hope he remembered to leave the Hefty Cinch Sak of cocaine he brought in his car. Based on these pictures, he probably wouldn’t have enough left to share with everybody else.

I would bang Olivia Wilde in the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese, so the fact that she wears tight dresses is kind of a plus. She could wear a jean skirt, Jellies, and a propeller hat and the first time we had sex would still involve me crying and apologizing.

Sometimes Amber Heard looks hot and sometimes she looks like a transvestite, so it’s hard to reconcile the feelings I have for her. I’m not sure if I should go down on her or ask her if she thinks Darelle Revis is the key to the Jets’ attacking defense.

Camille Bell scored big when she was the only one who showed up in a dress designed by Me! Me! Everybody Look At Me!!

Rachel Bilson isn’t really all that hot and she’s also flat-chested, so she’s only on here because pageviews are important to me. Wait, did I say pageviews? I meant representing all types of beauty so you, the reader, can start an open dialogue about the media’s manipulation of young women’s impressionable minds by forcing them to strive for an unattainable level of beauty. Yeah, that.

I have yet to see anything in Hollywood more freakin cute and adorable than Sophia Bush. She’s like a koala holding the Snuggle Fresh teddy bear on a seesaw. You know, except with a way more accommodating vagina.

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