Chelsea Jones Is 32G By todd January 28, 2010

I have no idea what the hell they do over in England to make every chick look like they could breastfeed the Cloverfield monster, but if Obama could breed an army of Orcs then sign a declaration of war to invade Britain to mine it, I would appreciate it.


 

 

I have no idea what the hell they do over in England to make every chick look like they could breastfeed the Cloverfield monster, but if Obama could breed an…

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There Must Be A Gym In Starbucks By todd January 28, 2010

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You can draw your own conclusions on the mental stability of people who call themselves Britney Spears’ fans, but one of them commented over and overa lot of them commented on this post because they were angry that I made fun of her after she was seen leaving a gym. So I wonder what kind of vertical traction machines and yoga classes this Starbucks has, because again, Britney looks like complete shit. That’s because Britney always looks like shit. She’s Britney Spears. I could be attacked by a werewolf, and I could still pick out a better change of clothes than this hillbilly. You could throw a bra or a bottle of conditioner at her and she would just dive behind the couch before coming out after a few minutes to poke them with a stick.

You can draw your own conclusions on the mental stability of people who call themselves Britney Spears’ fans, but one of them commented over and overa lot of them commented…

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Cameron Douglas Is A Criminal Mastermind By todd January 28, 2010



Cameron Douglas, son of Oscar-winning actor Michael Douglas, is facing a possible life sentence because he really, really loves drugs. Also because he’s an idiot. ABC News reports:

Cameron Douglas, 31, pleaded guilty before U.S. District Judge Ronald Ellis in Manhattan federal court to conspiracy to distribute crystal meth and cocaine and to heroin possession. Douglas was arrested on July 28 at the trendy Gansevoort Hotel in Manhattan and faces at least 11 years and up to life in prison. After his arrest and while on pretrial release, Douglas possessed heroin, the charges said. Douglas sent large quantities of methamphetamine, known by the street names of “crystal meth” and “ice,” to New York via FedEx between 2006 and 2009, according to the complaint. He worked with accomplices who are cooperating with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the complaint said. In several different recorded phone calls Douglas referred to the drugs as “pastry” and “salts,” the complaint said.

To reiterate, he sent crystal meth through the mail. Crystal meth. Through the mail. Maybe when he gets out he can drive through a school zone with plutonium in the passenger seat or walk into a police station with a prostitute’s head on a pike. You know, to fully drive the point home that he might not be the best at making life decisions.

Cameron Douglas, son of Oscar-winning actor Michael Douglas, is facing a possible life sentence because he really, really loves drugs. Also because he’s an idiot. ABC News reports: Cameron Douglas,…

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Simon Monjack Was Serious, Still Really High By todd January 28, 2010

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During an interview on The Today Show, Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack, says Hollywood killed the 32-year old actress because they didn’t offer her a part in the sequel to Happy Feet. Apparently Warner Bros. hires ninja assassins and sentient cyborgs who have the power to send 100-pound white chicks into cardiac arrest, because in an interview with the The Daily Beast, Monjack says he is filing a wrongful death suit.

The Daily Beast has learned that Simon Monjack, the much-maligned husband of Brittany Murphy, is only days away from filing a wrongful-death action against Warner Brothers, claiming that the studio is responsible for the unexpected death of the 32-year-old actress last December. “They killed her,” he told me. Although the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office hasn’t released a final cause of death, Monjack and Brittany’s mother, Sharon, who also spoke to me, are convinced that the once-promising star died of a heart attack from the stress caused by Warner Brother’s canceling of a contract just two weeks before she died. Murphy was excited to have begun production on the sequel to the animated hit Happy Feet, but when she was fired by Warner Brothers, Monjack says, “She was devastated.”…Monjack believes that Murphy’s career was stopped cold by the failure of 2004’s Little Black Book. Chicago Sun-Times columnist Richard Roeper had a typically negative reaction when he said, “One of the worst romantic comedies of this or probably any other year.” The following year, Murphy, who had lost 20 pounds, was dogged by anorexia and drug rumors. Ted Casablanca, nee Bruce Bibby, E! Online’s entertainment journalist, ran a blind item in 2005 that said a “Jordache Junky” had had sex with a waiter in a back stairwell at a Hollywood bar mitzvah. Almost everyone pegged Brittany, then a Jordache model, as the girl. “In all the time I’ve known her, she has never, and I repeat NEVER, done drugs,” Monjack told me. “Not a line of cocaine, not a hit from a joint, nothing. She was anti-drugs. There are no drugs involved. If any were, I would not be on the phone with you.”…“The drug rumors made her lose roles, I’m sure,” says Monjack. And they took a toll on her, he says, depressing her and making her fret that she might not find a comeback vehicle. “All she wanted to do was to make movies. She was waiting for the role that would revive her career, waiting for the call from Penny Marshall or Gary Fleder, people she had worked with before, that they might remember how talented an actress she was and call with a new magical role.”

I’m sure the interviewer wanted to hear more of this story, but I assume Monjack talked into a banana then said he had to go because his dragon was in a tow-away zone and he had to get back to Pandora to fax some very important papers to Care-A-Lot or whatever it is you say when you are skii’d out of your goddamn mind.

During an interview on The Today Show, Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack, says Hollywood killed the 32-year old actress because they didn’t offer her a part in the sequel to…

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Doutzen Kroes Is Good At This Part 2 By todd January 27, 2010

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More pics of Doutzen Kroes in St. Barts hit online, so of course, I’m posting them. Not for any reason in particular. Because that stopped being a reason about 10 minutes ago. So, if you would be so kind, let’s all stop and have a moment of silence for my penis.

More pics of Doutzen Kroes in St. Barts hit online, so of course, I’m posting them. Not for any reason in particular. Because that stopped being a reason about 10…

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Eddie Bauer Is That Way, Sir By todd January 27, 2010

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Brock Hogan wandered into a Victoria’s Secret in Miami yesterday. Local news crews and wildlife officials at the scene reported no humans were injured and that it appeared to be confused and disoriented. “I threw some honey in the trash can after lunch, but maybe I should have buried it,” a clerk told reporters.

Brock Hogan wandered into a Victoria’s Secret in Miami yesterday. Local news crews and wildlife officials at the scene reported no humans were injured and that it appeared to be…

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Doutzen Kroes Is Good At This By todd January 27, 2010

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Doutzen Kroes is my far one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models and her body is what one might call “sick”. If her ass was anymore perfect you could lick it and gain the power of flight.

Doutzen Kroes is my far one of the hottest Victoria’s Secret models and her body is what one might call “sick”. If her ass was anymore perfect you could lick…

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Breaking Up Must Make You Hungry By todd January 27, 2010

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Britain’s News Of The World ran a story last week that OMG BRAD AND ANGELINA ARE BREAKING UP!!! I guess somebody should have told them before they made reservations for dinner. People reports:

“Angie and Brad were actually out to dinner together in Los Angeles when the rumor broke,” says the source. “That’s how ridiculous [the story] is.” At the time, multiple sources told PEOPLE the report, which originated in a British tabloid, was “totally false.”

I don’t know if she still has the receipt, but Jennifer Aniston might want to check the return policy for that voodoo doll and love candle. I can’t shake the feeling the salesperson lied to her.

Britain’s News Of The World ran a story last week that OMG BRAD AND ANGELINA ARE BREAKING UP!!! I guess somebody should have told them before they made reservations for…

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Lucy Links By todd January 27, 2010



Angelina Jolie reveals a touching tribute to her mother [Popeater]
Keeley Hazell in Maxim. Dear God. [Popoholic]
2010 Pirelli Calendar (waaay NSFW) [TaxiDriver Movie]
AnnaLynne McCord‘s nipples support Haiti [Egotastic]
Sexy girls in pigtails [COED Magazine]
Jersey Shore‘s JWoww has naked pics, dignity for sale [Celebslam]
Tiger isn’t getting divorced [Cele|bitchy]
All Miranda Kerr topless all the time [Cityrag]
Weatherman compares snowfall to the size of his dick [College Humor]
Coco loves Ice T’s stroke [Heyman Hustle]
Portland Trailblazer’s 7’2″ center Greg Oden has nude photos [Hoopsvibe]

Angelina Jolie reveals a touching tribute to her mother [Popeater] Keeley Hazell in Maxim. Dear God. [Popoholic] 2010 Pirelli Calendar (waaay NSFW) [TaxiDriver Movie] AnnaLynne McCord‘s nipples support Haiti [Egotastic]…

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Katy Perry Is Catty, Stacked By todd January 27, 2010

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Katy Perry was a guest judge on American Idol last night, and in case you were wondering if she had a delightful personality to go with her caked on makeup and pushup bra, you’re barely gonna believe it!

Katy Perry was a guest judge on American Idol last night, and in case you were wondering if she had a delightful personality to go with her caked on makeup…

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