Heidi Montag Has Subtle Lyrics

Not that anyone cares, but professional attention whore Heidi Montag released her debut album today. Heidi Montag. An album full of songs that she’s sings. Jesus, everyone involved in this should be tied to a tree and kicked by a donkey. Us Magazine reports:

On Tuesday, after three years of waiting, she officially dropped her debut album, Superficial — and she gets racy. Verrry racy. Take the track “I’ll Do It,” for instance. “I brought some treats / I know that you gon love em / Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally”

Man, I hope whoever wrote this article at Us Magazine was able to splash some water in their face and do that thing where you take one hand and fan yourself and pull your collar away from your neck with the other hand, because pulling panties off with your teeth is verrry racy. Racy? Really? I’ve had more panties in my teeth that Kobayashi’s had hot dogs, and I’m not really seeing why I should be clutching my pearls and crossing myself after I read that. Maybe in another song she tells us how she’s churning butter or how she twirled her parasol in front of Nellie Oleson’s store or whatever was considered racy in 1872.

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