BRITTANY MURPHY DIED



SHOCKING UPDATE: The husband doesn’t want an autopsy performed. Man, I sure didn’t see that coming!!

Brittany Murphy, the fat weird girl in Clueless and the skinny weird girl in many other movies, has died of cardiac arrest at the age of 32. TMZ reports:

A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ. We’re told Murphy was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where she was pronounced dead on arrival. Murphy starred in such films as “Clueless,” “8 Mile,” and “Don’t Say a Word.”

As Sgt. Doakes says, “it’s always the husband”, so I’m going to go ahead and blame him and drugs for her death. Because it’s always completely normal when a 32 woman drops dead because she has the heart of a premie with AIDS. Her husband has long been rumored to be a con artist with a criminal past, so I can speculate as much as I want. I mean, the Panthers are 5-8. What the hell else am I gonna do today?

A special thanks to Chris for texting me like I’m a call girl and sexxxy Gina for doing my job for me today.

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