Lady Gaga Is Catlike By todd December 31, 2009



Lady Gaga was performing in front of a crowd of gays and sexually confused fans of nursery rhyme lyrics last night when someone threw a bouquet of flowers at her head. Much to my surprise, in addition to having a nose that can lead hungry children to delicious fruity breakfast cereal, Lady Gaga is super fast and able to use her quickness and acrobatic skills to sense and avoid danger. Or you know, whatever means the exact opposite of that.

Lady Gaga was performing in front of a crowd of gays and sexually confused fans of nursery rhyme lyrics last night when someone threw a bouquet of flowers at her…

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Melissa Satta Is Better By todd December 31, 2009

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Melissa Satta is a showgirl on the Italian TV show Striascia la notzia (Strip The News), but like everybody in the entire world today, she’s in Miami in a bikini. Which is good for me because skinny brunettes with perky tits is kinda my thing. Too bad I had to break up with Ashley Greene though. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I started throwin’ bass, she started throwin’ back mid-range, but when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange.


Melissa Satta is a showgirl on the Italian TV show Striascia la notzia (Strip The News), but like everybody in the entire world today, she’s in Miami in a bikini….

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Lemme Try To Hide My Disco Stick By todd December 31, 2009

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Hermy Gaga was on a balcony in Miami in full view of photographers were she tried to quell rumors that she has a penis. I guess it’s a little irrelevant at this point, because Lady Gaga is so comically unattractive that she could have a vagina that gives cash for gold and the only way I would have sex with her is if my parents were being held hostage. Even then I’d try to drag it out as long as I could by making the hostage negotiator use a Dr. Phil soundboard.

Hermy Gaga was on a balcony in Miami in full view of photographers were she tried to quell rumors that she has a penis. I guess it’s a little irrelevant…

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Kim Kardashian Does One Thing Well By todd December 31, 2009

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George Romero could make a movie about how much of a dead lay she was in her sex tape, but Kim Kardashian can’t go to any function without subtlety knowing what she’s based her entire image on. So for me to get turned on here it would probably take somebody riding a stationary bike hooked up to a car battery.

George Romero could make a movie about how much of a dead lay she was in her sex tape, but Kim Kardashian can’t go to any function without subtlety knowing…

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Molly Sims Doesn’t Know By todd December 31, 2009
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Model Molly Sims is in Mexico right now, and I’d like to thank her friends for making sure she’s really happy. I say that because they apparently haven’t told her that Dora was unable to keep Swiper from stealing her ass. Oh, that Swiper! He’s so sneaky!

Model Molly Sims is in Mexico right now, and I’d like to thank her friends for making sure she’s really happy. I say that because they apparently haven’t told her…
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Brock Hogan Needs To Stop By todd December 30, 2009

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Brooke Hogan was in Miami for what I assume to be to celebrate her recent Pro Bowl selection. Jon Beason got robbed, but he seems pretty cool with it. “I mean, have you seen her legs?”, he was quoted as saying in the Charlotte Observer.

Brooke Hogan was in Miami for what I assume to be to celebrate her recent Pro Bowl selection. Jon Beason got robbed, but he seems pretty cool with it. “I…

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Thank You, Candice By todd December 29, 2009

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Besides Miranda Kerr and Kim Coultier, the main page is like a gallery of the damned, so Candice Swanepoel is here to change all that. Just like the citizens of Gotham want me to change their city. As a silent guardian, a watchful protector.

Besides Miranda Kerr and Kim Coultier, the main page is like a gallery of the damned, so Candice Swanepoel is here to change all that. Just like the citizens of…

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Taylor Broke Up With Taylor By todd December 29, 2009



Together for only three months, Taylor Swift and Bella’s bestiality fetish, Taylor Lautner, have broken up. US reports:

“It wasn’t really developing into anything, and wasn’t going to, so they decided they were better as friends,” a source close to Swift, 20, tells Us. “There was no chemistry.” The pair — who met on the set of the romantic comedy Valentine’s Day — first sparked rumors of a romance when she hugged him at her October 9 concert in Rosemont, Illinois. They have since been spotted on several wholesome dates — like their frozen yogurt date at Menchie’s alongside Swift’s mom earlier this month — and have each coyly alluded to their relationship on separate Saturday Night Live hosting gigs. However, the relationship officially fizzled when Lautner, 17, flew to Nashville for Swift’s birthday party on Dec. 13, a friend of the singer reveals. “He liked her more than she liked him,” the source tells Us. “He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn’t travel much to see him.”

I don’t want to tell Taylor Lautner how to keep a girlfriend, but here’s a hint: ether helps.

Together for only three months, Taylor Swift and Bella’s bestiality fetish, Taylor Lautner, have broken up. US reports: “It wasn’t really developing into anything, and wasn’t going to, so they…

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It Took 15 Days By todd December 29, 2009

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The latest Kardashian money grab is on the cover of the new issue of Life & Style magazine although I’m not really sure why. It’s a baby. A baby who was born because some white dude with no job didn’t pull out of some Armenian chick who is only famous because her mom spread her legs for the guy that got O.J. off and the guy who won some gold medals before I was born. Ooohh!!! Maybe the Pharoah’s daughter will find him by the riverbank and he’ll grow up to part the Red Sea. You know, because he’s obviously so special you see.

The latest Kardashian money grab is on the cover of the new issue of Life & Style magazine although I’m not really sure why. It’s a baby. A baby who…

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Tiger Woods Is Not Doing So Well By todd December 29, 2009



UPDATE: Yeah, so, this may or may not be a hoax. Damn you, Internet! First the Nigerians didn’t deposit that money into my account like they promised now this!! (A special thanks to Kristin for the heads up. I mean it’s not like I was going to research this. What am I a reporter?)

Furman Bisher, a renowned and respected sports journalist who is called the “dean” of Masters journalists by The Golf Channel, knows why Tiger Woods hasn’t been seen for five weeks and repeatedly dodged requests to be interviewed by police. Um, that would be because he was having FACIAL RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY! Daily Mail reports:

According to Bisher, Woods’s wife Elin struck her husband in the face with a nine iron after she confronted him over text messages from mistress Rachel Uchitel. He said: ‘At one point Tiger turned away to look at the TV, and as he turned back, Elin hit him on the right side of the face with the head of a 9 – iron. ‘When she struck Tiger, she put a huge gash in the right side of his face next to his nose (causing his nose to bruise some), and virtually knocking two of his upper teeth out, and breaking the bone on the upper right side. ‘Tiger ran scared as hell out of the house (which is why he had on no shoes) with Elin swinging the golf club throughout the hallway to the garage (i.e. causing the severe damage which has been reported). ‘Tiger hoped in the Escalade and tried to leave; and as we know Elin knocked out the windows in the Escalade. When Tiger crashed, Elin panicked and was not sure what to tell the police (which is why there are two conflicting stories from her).’ Bisher said after Woods checked out of hospital he was flown by private jet to Phoenix, Arizona, where he met with a plastic surgeon and cosmetic dentist. The sportswriter said Woods’s absence from Florida was the reason he failed to meet with Florida Highway Patrol (FHP) officers on three occasions to discuss the crash. Bisher writes: ‘If you remember FHP kept showing up at Isleworth to talk to Tiger, and was told by another FL attorney (who Tiger hired for PR reasons) Tiger was not ready to talk. ‘Well now we know why, he was in Phoenix, and did not arrive back in Orlando until either late last Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. ‘The surgeries were more intense than what they had originally planned, which meant Tiger was in PHX longer than he should have been.’

Holy shit! Elin Woods is like some Lifetime Movie where the woman gets exposed to Kryptonite and gains the power of kicking your damn ass. “John Connor gave me a picture of you once. I didn’t know why at the time. It was very old – torn, faded. You were young like you are now,” a man with Tiger Woods was quoted as saying.

UPDATE: Yeah, so, this may or may not be a hoax. Damn you, Internet! First the Nigerians didn’t deposit that money into my account like they promised now this!! (A…

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