Emma Watson Is In A Bikini By todd November 30, 2009

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This post generates the most Google search traffic of any post in IDLYITW history, so apparently pasty white teenagers are what you perverts like. As for me, I prefer my art. Serene seascapes with rolling dunes. So calm, so pretty.

This post generates the most Google search traffic of any post in IDLYITW history, so apparently pasty white teenagers are what you perverts like. As for me, I prefer my…

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Uncoordinated White People Sing Michael Jackson By todd November 30, 2009


GrimaceKelly Clarkson performed a concert in San Jose, CA last night where she sang Michael Jackson’s “Rock Wit You” with her opening act Eric Hutchinson. Besides being able to see Clarkson’s gigantic ass from space, I have no idea who Eric Hutchinson is. Perez Hilton sent his album to the Top Ten on iTunes, so I assume he sings songs about unicorns and tossing salads. “Salads?”, Kelly Clarkson was overheard as saying. “Oh my God, ewwww.”

GrimaceKelly Clarkson performed a concert in San Jose, CA last night where she sang Michael Jackson’s “Rock Wit You” with her opening act Eric Hutchinson. Besides being able to see…

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Candice Swanepoel Is The Perfect Woman By todd November 30, 2009

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I don’t know if you can find a better combination than a hot Victoria’s Secret model who likes football, so I’m just gonna say you can’t. The only way Candice Swanepoel could get any better is if her vagina doubled as a soft serve ice cream machine.

I don’t know if you can find a better combination than a hot Victoria’s Secret model who likes football, so I’m just gonna say you can’t. The only way Candice…

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Get Ready To Live By todd November 30, 2009

I realize Keeley Hazell isn't an actual celebrity and has nothing to do with celebrity gossip, but she has perfect boobs and spends most of her time taking her clothes off and letting people take pictures of them. Turns out, that has a lot to do with my penis. My penis really, really loves Keeley Hazell, but he's afraid that stereotypes and ignorance will make people not be able to see his true self. He's cultured in the arts and in the sciences and enjoys reading books on constitutional law. Why, just yesterday, we were discussing how Jackson Pollock used synthetic resin-based paints called alkyd enamels during his Springs period. "This was novel at the time, " my penis said.


 

 

I realize Keeley Hazell isn't an actual celebrity and has nothing to do with celebrity gossip, but she has perfect boobs and spends most of her time taking her clothes…

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Rihanna Has The Right Idea By todd November 30, 2009

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Chris Brown’s fists must be an instrument to distribute God’s wisdom, because Rihanna might be the smartest woman in the world. The Sun reports:

Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this! I’ve always been borderline raunchy and a little sexy. But sexy at 19 and sexy at 21 is two different things. I’m just having fun. When naked pictures I’d sent to a boyfriend were leaked this year I was so nervous and embarrassed that my mom was going to see them. But she reacted in the most surprising way. She just sent me a text saying, ‘You’re an adult now’. Basically saying, ‘Welcome to the real world’. She says I’m a woman now so I have to handle things like an adult.”

I walked by an Intro to Women’s Studies class one time, so I know that most women will think Rihanna is dumb for saying this. This may be true, so I want our women readers to sound off on this issue. My email’s spam filter is set up to delete any mail sent from a woman that doesn’t attach a pic of her C-cups or higher, so if I don’t get back to you, it’s not my fault. This contest is open to female US residents aged 18 and above. Enter daily through December 20, 2009 for a chance for me to secretly sit in judgement of your boobs!

CLICK HERE TO SEE RIHANNA’S LEAKED NUDE PICS (NSFW)

Again, the only Rihanna pictures I post:

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Tiger Woods Is A Battered Wife By todd November 30, 2009



Although his Cadillac SUV struck a fire hydrant less than 100 feet from his property, Tiger Woods suffered facial lacerations, bruises, a reported slight concussion, and officers on the scene stated Wood’s mouth was filled with blood after he was involved in a single car accident four days ago in which his wife reportedly beat him with a golf club. Tiger Woods has yet to grant interview requests by the Florida Highway Patrol, and remains cryptic and vague regarding the details of the accident. He says in a statement released on his website:

“As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore. This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again. This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible. The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false. This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.”

When asked for comment, Tiger Woods said, “What, these? Oh, I just fell down some stairs. No, I meant I tripped and I fell into a bookca…no, no, that’s not right..I’ll fell in the shower. I’m just so stupid and clumsy sometimes I can’t believe she puts up with me because I get so..what? Oh no, she loves me. You don’t know her like I do. She tells me she loves me and she always says she sorry when she..sshhh, did you hear that? Was, was that a car?! Oh, God, oh God, it’s her! Hide! HIDE!”

Although his Cadillac SUV struck a fire hydrant less than 100 feet from his property, Tiger Woods suffered facial lacerations, bruises, a reported slight concussion, and officers on the scene…

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Alessandra Ambrosio Does DT, Hopefully DP By todd November 30, 2009

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Alessandra Ambrosio and her insanely hot ass are on the November cover of DT magazine, and while you look at these, please keep in mind that she had a baby thirteen months ago. Also, thirteen months ago, Kelly Clarkson had four Bacon Cheese Thickburgers and a milkshake. Apparently, Thickburgers don’t include ginseng and green tea extract, so maybe Kelly should have a baby. Obviously passing a human through your vagina is some sort of magical weight-loss burning formula.

I know everyone is still mad at me for making fun of the Downs cheerleading squad, but take a look a this video of Surprised Kitty! You’re not mad now are you? He’s a kitty! And he’s surprised!

Alessandra Ambrosio and her insanely hot ass are on the November cover of DT magazine, and while you look at these, please keep in mind that she had a baby…

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Those Goody-Goody Smurfs Make Me Sick! By todd November 29, 2009
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Apparently making fun of LBGT, Jews, and people with extra chromosomes is a comedy black hole that hurts people’s feelings. Good to know. In related news, Lady Gaga kicked off her Monster Ball(s) Tour in Montreal on Friday and oh boy what a treat. It basically consisted of her prancing around the stage in ridiculous outfits to cover up the fact that her lyrics are goofy and her songs suck. And please don’t tell me she’s talented because she can play the piano. The blind guy I give change to outside the mall can play an accordion and a drum set with his foot, but at least he doesn’t look like he picked out his clothes during a nuclear attack.

How edgy!!

“It has no politics, it has no religion, it has no money, it’s fucking free!” Her words. How many people there got free tickets, I wonder? – Mr. Grooms

Apparently making fun of LBGT, Jews, and people with extra chromosomes is a comedy black hole that hurts people’s feelings. Good to know. In related news, Lady Gaga kicked off…

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Guess Who Doesn’t Have Downs By todd November 29, 2009



Since everyone loved me for the last post and told me how great I was, let’s step back into reality. To help with that, here’s Miley Cyrus posing with some retarded cheerleaders. I least I think it’s Miley Cyrus, it’s hard to tell because this looks like a 6th grade class picture in Mississippi. And why are these girls cheerleaders? They want them to win the game right? I don’t know about you but, “We got spirit yes we do, we got spirit how about crayons?” might not be the best motivational chant you could hear.

Since everyone loved me for the last post and told me how great I was, let’s step back into reality. To help with that, here’s Miley Cyrus posing with some…

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Now For Something Completely Different By todd November 28, 2009

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It’s a holiday weekend, so gossip sucks right now, so I thought I’d post some pictures of actual stars and celebrities. This site is overrun by skanks and things that pass for genius, so I’d thought I’d take this time to remind everyone what being an Hollywood star actually means. Let’s face it, the only classically beautiful actresses working in Hollywood today are Charlize Theron, Diane Lane, Rachel McAdams, Halle Berry, and Angelina Jolie. That’s it. The rest of them need CGI and magic to look halfway human, so here is some pics of what actresses are supposed to look like.

NOTE: I would jump over Megan Fox and Ashley Greene going down on each other to get in a time machine set to “bang the chicks in these pictures”. Also, I’m not a huge Bogart fan, but he has my undying respect for being 45 and banging the 18-year old in pic #4.

NOTE #2: Elizabeth Taylor, goddamn. I said, got-dam.

From top left: Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor, Lana Turner, Lauren Bacall, Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, Jane Russell, Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn (Banner Picture: Rita Hayworth)

I can’t leave my lady readers out, so here’s some dudes. My extensive research involved me calling my mom and asking her who should be on the list. After she said, “It’s not an emergency? Then why are you calling me at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday?” she gave me her picks. I included her comments as well.

Marlon Brando: “Son, just be glad I didn’t have a chance of meeting him before I met your father. We might not be having this conversation.”
Paul Newman: “It’s too early for me to talk about Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, Todd.”
James Dean: “I don’t need to explain this do I?”
Elvis: “He’s prettier than most of the women you just told me about.”
Cary Grant: “Yes son, I read your site. You wish you were that suave.”

It’s a holiday weekend, so gossip sucks right now, so I thought I’d post some pictures of actual stars and celebrities. This site is overrun by skanks and things that…

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