On Monday, Jessica Simpson’s five-year old maltipoo was taken in front of her by a COYOTE. Since COYOTE’s are known for taking maltipoo’s and holding them for ransom, Jessica Simpson put up missing signs all over the place offering a reward for any information on the whereabouts of her dog that got taken by a COYOTE. She even hired a professional pet finding company to send voicemails to 1,000 of her neighbors for any information on the whereabouts of her dog that got taken by a COYOTE. You might think that, I don’t know, her dog is passing through an intestine by now, and that Jessica is a moron for doing this, but that would just make you an asshole. She said so four hours ago on her official Twitter:
Still holding out hope despite the assholes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby…why would I stop searching? I’m a mom.
Jessica, to reiterate, you dog was taken by a FUCKING COYOTE. And not the kind of coyote that will put roller skates on it and tie a rocket to its back, but a real live coyote. I hate to break this to you, but if you ever see Daisy again remember, sometimes dead is better.
Jessica Simpson at Beso on September 4th: