Selena Gomez Isn’t In Switzerland By todd September 30, 2009

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It’s no secret that Selena Gomez is as adorable as a Christmas puppy, but she’s 17, so chill out. But if you think she’s cute, wait until you get a load of this guy. He can barely even believe it!

It’s no secret that Selena Gomez is as adorable as a Christmas puppy, but she’s 17, so chill out. But if you think she’s cute, wait until you get a…

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Whoopi Goldberg Has It All Figured Out By todd September 30, 2009


Using the time she watched that Roman Polanski documentaryher law degree and years of extensive courtroom experience as the foundation for her comments on The View yesterday, Whoopi Goldberg said that what Polanski did “wasn’t rape-rape.” Really? Awesome. Because I was under the impression that drugging and holding a 13-year old against her will then sodomizing her was kinda illegal. I think I thought that, because well, it fucking is. It doesn’t matter if a chick looks 22 and is grinding on your lap and smoking black tar heroin as her mom shows you her Spartan Army gangbang video, if she’s 13 and you stick your dick in her ass, you’re going to jail. I’m not really sure how else to explain that. If I shoot someone, my excuse can’t be (more…)

Using the time she watched that Roman Polanski documentaryher law degree and years of extensive courtroom experience as the foundation for her comments on The View yesterday, Whoopi Goldberg said…

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Can’t Read My, Can’t Read My, No You Can’t Read My Chromosomes By todd September 30, 2009

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Lady Gaga performed in Washington, DC last night and I can’t help but wonder how much the gays (ed. note: I assume it’s all gay people in the audience, because really, c’mon) in the audience paid to see this crap. There has to be a cheaper way to see something like this. I mean, if I wanted to see a hermaphrodite prance around on stage in a ridiculous outfit, before the show I’d play ring toss and buy a giant turkey leg and some cotton candy. You know, and whatever else you do at a carnival.

Note: She’s just not all beauty, she’s brains too!!

Lady Gaga performed in Washington, DC last night and I can’t help but wonder how much the gays (ed. note: I assume it’s all gay people in the audience, because…

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Michelle Hunziker Is An Actress By todd September 30, 2009

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Apparently one person in Switzerland doesn’t mind coming to America, because Swiss-German actress, Michelle Hunziker, was in Beverly Hills yesterday shooting some movie I’ll never see. If you’re like me, you’ve never heard of this chick before, so I’m cool with making sweeping generalizations and saying her hobbies include meatballs, hot cocoa, unoriginal 1997 armband tattoos, and anal sex. Although I’m not really sure about the anal sex part. That was more of a suggestion. Hey, Michelle. Call me.

Geographical update: Ok, so I don’t know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland. I know one has a bikini team, but other than that I don’t really care. Sorry!

Apparently one person in Switzerland doesn’t mind coming to America, because Swiss-German actress, Michelle Hunziker, was in Beverly Hills yesterday shooting some movie I’ll never see. If you’re like me,…

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Guess What? By todd September 30, 2009

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Rapper Common and his charity organization held a benefit show at the Hollywood Palladium on Saturday night where Nas, Ludacris, Mos Def, De La Soul, Heavy D and Queen Latifah were some of the featured performers. So was Kanye West. Guess which one of the people listed here threw an epic temper tantrum backstage? I’ll bet you’ll never guess! Vibe reports:

Apparently, Kanye West’s character-check getaway isn’t going too well. The rapper was allegedly upset over his not being offered food while in the dressing room backstage. After spotting a man eating chicken, West blurted, “Why wasn’t I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating… why am I not eating?” When the waitress explained that he never asked for food, ‘Ye yelled, “Well, I’m asking now!” After receiving chicken, he allegedly proceeded to take a bite and then throw the rest in the trash. Meanwhile, the rapper’s beau Amber Rose, stood silent, while other celebrities backstage watched in awe.

Seriously, at this point, I don’t know whether to give this spoiled brat a hammer strike to the temple or just let Super Nanny watch the video of what happened backstage on her way to his house. He’s either gonna be in a coma or on the bad bad mat. Either way, he’ll at least have to shut up for five minutes.

Kanye West and his girlfriend….er, ummm…boyfr…no wait, humanoid replic…umm extra terrest…aw, fuck it, I don’t know. Whatever it is, they call it Amber Rose:

Rapper Common and his charity organization held a benefit show at the Hollywood Palladium on Saturday night where Nas, Ludacris, Mos Def, De La Soul, Heavy D and Queen Latifah…

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Later By todd September 29, 2009

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Since jobless, half-Korean douchebags don’t have any bitter, scorned white women in their fan clubs, Jon Gosselin has been basically fired from the show about his life. Jon & Kate Plus Eight has now been officially renamed to Kate Plus Eight. Us Magazine reports:

Jon and Kate Gosselin’s 10-year marriage has ended. And so has their TLC reality show. Sort of. TLC announced on Tuesday that the show will be renamed Kate Plus Eight, beginning Nov. 2. It will continue to focus on the lives of the young Gosselin twins, 8, and 5-year-old sextuplets but with a deeper focus on Kate’s role as a single mother. “Given the recent changes in the family dynamics, it only makes sense for us to refresh and recalibrate the program to keep pace with the family,” TLC president Eileen O’Neill said in a statement. “The family has evolved and we are attempting to evolve with it; we feel that Kate’s journey really resonates with our viewers.” She added that the network is in development on a Kate project for 2010.

Eh, this was bound to happen sooner or later. He’s an idiot and she’s a mind-controlling bitch, so the kids were gonna lose either way. It’s was either gonna be 30 minutes of Dad in his Ed Hardy shirt taking Propecia and texting his girlfriend while she decorates for prom or 30 minutes of Mom having a psychotic break if the labels on the cans aren’t facing the same direction. So, please. It’s not like any of this is good news. When asked for comment, Jon Gosselin’s mother said, “Oh dat silly Paddlefoot! He funny silly dog! Him think totem pole ah-live!!”

Kate Gosselin and her bodyguard. You know, the dude she’s been banging:

Since jobless, half-Korean douchebags don’t have any bitter, scorned white women in their fan clubs, Jon Gosselin has been basically fired from the show about his life. Jon & Kate…

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Britney Has A New Song By todd September 29, 2009
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Britney Spears just wrapped up her Circus tour and unwrapped a burrito yesterday, but she sent over her new single, 3, to Ryan Seacrest at LA’s Z100 this morning. You can listen to it HERE if you want, but realize I’m gonna make fun of you then possibly make your sister do reverse cowgirl for beer money.

Pictures of hot Britney taken from the Smithsonian archives, because well, I can’t let this post be a total waste:

Britney Spears just wrapped up her Circus tour and unwrapped a burrito yesterday, but she sent over her new single, 3, to Ryan Seacrest at LA’s Z100 this morning. You…

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Amy Winehouse Is Cured!! By todd September 29, 2009

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If you stacked all the drugs Amy Winehouse has done in the last twenty-six years, Jack wouldn’t have needed the beanstalk to find that chicken who laid the golden egg, but instead of intense rehab and therapy, Amy Winehouse has hired a faith healer, Peter Hippolyte, to cure her addiction to drugs and alcohol. Of course it’s gonna work. Isn’t that right, Peter? Tell us, tell us what the chicken bones and crystal ball have FORETOLD! Daily Mail reports:

‘I have healing hands and I talk to her and explain things to her,’ he told Heat magazine. ‘She’s a wonderful girl and she believes in me. I am coming back to England to help her.’ Peter talked about his therapy sessions with the star, who became addicted to drink and drugs when with estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil. He said: ‘We hug each other, we kiss each other and I put my hands on her shoulder. ‘I tell her not to worry and we sing to each other. When I come to the UK, I will use my hands to help heal her and use my psychological healing to organise her mind.’We will say prayers together and she will drink bush tea with antioxidants.’ However, despite Amy trying to turn her life around it seems it will be a long time before she manages to shrug off her tarnished image.

Whatever. This bitch snorts so much powder she could have cleaned up behind Hitler. Next.

Crack Den Barbie:

If you stacked all the drugs Amy Winehouse has done in the last twenty-six years, Jack wouldn’t have needed the beanstalk to find that chicken who laid the golden egg,…

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Roman Polanski Is Mad By todd September 29, 2009



After spending thirty-two years living the life of a carefree sociopath in France and three days as a child rapist in a Zurich detention center while he waits to be extradited to the United States for raping a 13-year old California girl in 1977, Roman Polanski is reportedly in a “fighting mood” and will fight any and all attempts that will force him to man the fuck up and serve his sentence that he already plead guilty to before running like an escaped slave. Yes, shocking I know. MSNBC reports:

Polanski has told Swiss officials that he will contest a U.S. request that he be transferred to the United States, attorney Herve Temime said in an e-mail. Temime said Polanski’s legal team would try to prove that the U.S. request was illegal and that the Oscar-winning director should be released from Swiss custody. “Taking into account the extraordinary conditions of his arrest, his Swiss lawyer will seek his freedom without delay,” Temime said. The lawyer said he was able to speak with Polanski from his Zurich cell and that the director was allowed to meet with his wife, French actress Emmanuelle Seigner. “He was shocked, dumbfounded, but he is in a fighting mood and he is very determined to defend himself,” Temime said. Now a complicated legal process awaits all sides. While France expressed hope that Polanski would be freed shortly, Swiss officials said there would be no rash decision.

To make things perfectly clear, Roman Polanksi drugged and anally raped a 13-year old child. That’s all you need to know. He was 42, she was 13, and he gave her a quaalude, refused to take her home when she asked, then fucked her in the ass. It doesn’t matter if her mom said it was ok, it doesn’t matter if she looked older than 13, it doesn’t matter if he’s a brilliant director. He stuck his dick in a 7th grader after he drugged her. End of story. You can justify it or reconcile it however you want to make the case for letting this sexual predator go, but then I’d call you a fag and kick your teeth in. Samantha Geimer is the victim, not Polanski. She only wants the case dismissed because she just wants this to be over. Much like how I want Grey’s Anatomy to be over.

UPDATE II: I got tired of looking at Roman Polanski’s face, so I replaced it with a picture of Glen Quagmire. Heh heh, alllllright.

UPDATE: Here are a list of names in the entertainment industry who have signed the FREE POLANSKI! petition. Woody Allen is obviously no surprise, but fuck you Martin Scorsese, Wes Anderson, and Darren Aronofsky.

After spending thirty-two years living the life of a carefree sociopath in France and three days as a child rapist in a Zurich detention center while he waits to be…

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Kanye West Might Not Go To Rehab By todd September 29, 2009

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Instead of blaming his desperate need for acknowledgement and acceptance brought on by his mommy issues and narcissistic God complex, Kanye West is blaming the makers of Hennessey for making him run and whine on the stage at the MTV VMA’s to interrupt Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech like a 3-year old who just dropped an ice cream cone. Of course it was. If it wasn’t for Hennessey, Kanye would be a completely rational and sane person who solves problems and diffuses potential conflicts with logic and reason. Screw you, evil Hennessey!! MSNBC reports:

Star magazine and other publications are reporting that West is blaming alcohol for his breach in decorum, and that as soon as West wraps his “Fame Kills” tour with Lady Gaga this January, he’ll head to rehab.West hasn’t blogged about it, there was no comment from his camp, and friends close to West say it’s not true, so maybe this is just the product of a game of telephone gone awry during a slow news week. But if there’s a real reason for West to go to rehab, of course, he should go.

Of course, Kanye isn’t going to rehab. There’s no cameras or microphones there for him to annoy to the shit out of people. The only way you could get this jackass to go is if Ryan Seacrest suddenly became executive producer of a treatment facility.

I have no idea who Krystal Forscutt is, but when I entered “Kanye West” in the Splash pic forums, these pictures came up. Good lookin out, God:

Instead of blaming his desperate need for acknowledgement and acceptance brought on by his mommy issues and narcissistic God complex, Kanye West is blaming the makers of Hennessey for making…

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