When you’re a “singer” desperate for fame and attention with no discernible talent other than a nice rack, sometimes you do things like take a picture of you lying naked in a bathtub covered in pizza and post it on your Twitter. Like Katy Perry did yesterday. I realize she posted this to keep perpetuating her manufactured image of a quirky free spirit who doesn’t fit into your stereotypes or follow your rules, but you know all this bitch wanted is for people to say how bad they want to fuck her. Don’t get me wrong, I would, but my penis has exacting tastes. He enjoys intimate and stimulating conversation and a mutual connection based on love and like interests, not some chick who dresses in fruit. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows me at all.