As you probably already know, Michael Jackson took a lot of drugs. What do we now define as “a lot”? Hold on to your fucking hat. The Sun reports:
The ailing Thriller star was said to have consumed “mountains of medication” as he battled numerous disorders in the year leading up to his death. Many prescriptions were bought under the fictitious name Omar Adams. As well as the narcotic pain reliever Vicodin, 50-year-old Jacko gorged on other drugs like muscle relaxant Soma and sedative Xanax.…Family lawyer Brian Oxman told us yesterday: “Randy (Jacko’s brother) was due to be sent a copy of the autopsy yesterday, but the coroner’s office still haven’t sent it. “But the autopsy details from you are — as you can expect — unbelievably awful, horrifying reading. “The family response? ‘Oh My God’. That’s what they shouted. They kept saying, ‘Oh My God’. “They suspected the drugs were harming Michael — but not as badly as this. They are beside themselves, it’s truly, truly, awful. What is crucial to them is not the drug types Michael was taking, but the quantities he was taking them in. “This is a huge and major concern. During Michael’s court trial he was taking 40 Vicodin a day — and this may have even increased. “It’s an insane amount of drugs to be given — and to be taken.”
Jesus. 40 Vikes a freakin day?? I wouldn’t give the Cloverfield monster or the Kraken 40 Vicodin a day. The only reason you’d give somebody that much drugs in a day is if they were attacking Tokyo and Godzilla couldn’t be reached on his cell.
I realize that’s easy to assume that a black man would have three blonde hair, blue eyed babies, but apparently that’s not the case. I really need to stop and walk around the room, because if I can be honest, I really didn’t see this coming. TMZ reports:
We’ve learned Michael Jackson was not the biological father of any of his children. And Debbie Rowe is not the biological mother of the two kids she bore for Michael. All three children were conceived in vitro — outside the womb. Multiple sources deeply connected to the births tell us Michael was not the sperm donor for any of his kids. Debbie’s eggs were not used. She was merely the surrogate, and paid well for her services in the births of Michael Jr. and Paris. In the case of Prince Michael II (the youngest), we’re told the surrogate was never told of the identity of the “receiving parent” — Michael Jackson. Three days after Prince was born at Grossmont Hospital in San Diego County, Jackson’s lawyer came to the hospital to pick the baby up and deliver him to Michael. We do not know if Jackson chose the sperm or egg donors or if he even knew who they were. Although Rowe is not the biological mother, it’s not a slam dunk that she would lose a custody battle. This type of case has never been litigated in California courts. Since Rowe was married to Jackson when Michael Jr. and Paris were born, there’s a presumption that she’s the biological parent. That presumption can be rebutted by other evidence. We know there are documents outlining the whole arrangement for the birth of all three kids. Nonetheless, it’s still an open issue with the courts.
Man, I really don’t know how I’m going to get over this. You mean to tell me that those kids weren’t his? How could that be so? He said they were, he said that Rowe was their mother, and the courts agreed. But, wow, it turns out they weren’t. It’s like his whole life was a lie. I think I’m gonna go lie down.
UPDATE: The bilogical father of Michael Jackson’s children is Arnold Klein, his dermatologist and Rowe’s former boss. Sexxxy!!
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Marion Cotillard showed up at the European premiere of Public Enemies last night, and although she tried, she really couldn’t seem to pour her tits out onto the red carpet. I wouldn’t be scared if she tried this on my carpet, because of an infused chemical treatment before the actual tufting or weaving process began, my carpet is stain free! Meaning, when dirt or liquids are introduced to the surface, I’m worry free! My life is so exciting!
If you want to see what is would look like if they actually fell out, you can quench your curiosity here (NSFW)
Megan Fox’s new movie, Jennifer’s Body is reportedly god-awful, but who are we kidding? So are all of her movies. Diablo Cody couldn’t write realistic dialogue if the Jigsaw Killer had her chained to a mountain lion, so anybody circling their calendars for this piece of crap should probably prepare themselves now. On the brightside, Megan Fox dresses like a cheerleader and has a topless scene, and I’m not going to lie, that’s what my dreams have looked like for the past two years.
You can see the rest of the stills HERE. You know if you’re into chicks covered in blood. Pervert.
I realize this has absolutely nothing to do with celebrities or me, so I probably really shouldn’t be posting this, but I’d really like you to meet Jeremy Lloyd Martin – the dumbest fucking dude on Earth. Splash News says:
Meet the man accused of being so upset at how McDonald’s handled his order he called 911 – and ended up being arrested himself. Jeremy Lloyd Martin, 23, is said to have flipped out when he was only handed a single burger and fries and told to pull away from the fast food restaurant in Clackamas, Oregon. He is accused of calling 911 and being told: “Sir, this is not a police matter.” He then allegedly called back to demand officers were sent over. “This is a 911 emergency,” the caller said. “I got robbed for eight dollars.” “Sir, 911 is life-and-death only,” the dispatcher said. “If you do continue calling 911 you will be arrested for misuse.” The furious caller then said: “Well, arrest me. Send a cop right now. I swear to God all my life…” Martin was arrested at the scene. He later stood by his actions in a radio interview. “I was very upset that they tried to charge me for food I had already paid for,” he said. “For me to end up going to jail over a $10 order, that’s just ridiculous”.
I’ve sat here, I’ve tried, but I can’t for the life of me think of a reason why I would call 911 because Consuela or some recovering meth addict with the fresh tat on her neck got my order wrong at a drive thru. You know how not to get your order wrong at a drive thru? Don’t go to a fucking drive thru. In case you didn’t know, McDonald’s isn’t exactly SAS or Google. You’re lucky the person behind the window isn’t beating the cash register with a brontosaurus bone or being amazed by fire. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure this dude will realize he’s an idiot. Just like the San Diego State Alpha Phi’s did after they called 911 because I was too sexy. Hey, ladies, no need to be like that. We got all night, baby.
Since this post is completely random, let’s keep the party going with yet even more randomness – Sofia Vergara’s damn near perfect body on a yacht. You’re welcome:
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Since she has no friends, no money, no job, and no dignity, Lindsay Lohan had a birthday party for herself in Vegas at MGM this weekend. Boy, I bet that crowd was pumped. Nothing like going to Vegas to watch a bony coke whore with more dots on her freckled ass than a stack of dot matrix printer paper shuffling back and forth in her panties. I’m not even joking when I say I’d rather watch me being set on fire than watch Lindsay Lohan.
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Of course the BET Awards last night turned into a Michael Jackson circle jerk,so of course somebody at some point was gonna do the moonwalk. That somebody was Jamie Foxx. Which brings up the point, the moonwalk is just walking backwards right? And if it’s supposed to be an accurate representation of walking on the moon, then why are the laws of anti-gravity not being taken into account? How can this be an iconic dance when it’s whole foundation is built on half-truths and scientific falsities?! DO NOT BE FOOLED ANY LONGER!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!
I have no idea who any of those people in the audience are and I don’t look for pictures of Jamie Foxx, so here’s Nell McAndrew naked in Loaded Magazine. Yay racism! (a few might be NSFW):
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Kendra Wilkinson and her long-time boyfriend, Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver, Hank Baskett, got married at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday. I rode go-karts on Saturday. Suck on that Kendra! Us Magazine reports:
Wilkinson’s former Girls Next Door costars Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison, as well as their ex Hugh Hefner, were among the 500 guests. “I’m ready to marry the man of my dreams,” Wilkinson told Us shortly before tying the knot. “He’s one in a million. I’m so lucky.”Wilkinson, 24, wore more than $100,000 worth of platinum and diamond jewelry by designer Michael Barin. She personally selected the 4.25-carat platinum drop earrings ($47,000), the 2.5-carat platinum pendant ($33,700) and the 4.5-carat bracelet ($21,000). Her brother Colin walked her down the aisle (Hef was originally slated to do the honor but Wilkinson changed her mind).
Hey look, two people you don’t care about (one who you couldn’t recognize on the street) got married this weekend. I hope you’re gonna be okay now that it’s over. Maybe you can read the back of a cereal box or put a glass on a coaster to see if there is some way you can recreate the excitement of this moment.
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On her MySpace blog posted on Friday called, “He Knew”, Lisa Marie Presley says that Michael Jackson always knew he was going to die like her famous father. This is only an excerpt, because apparently she has a lot of free time to write long-winded, rambling MySpace blogs at noon on Friday.
Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much. I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened. His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then. At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself. He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated. When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad. Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson’s being or actions. I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.
Um, no. Comparing Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley is like comparing a BMW to a Mercedes. Yeah, they’re both kinda the same thing, except one doesn’t have a pair of little boy’s Underoos in the glove compartment.
Lindsay Lohan posted this picture on her Twitter yesterday with the tweet, “MJ was playing when this was taken, I’m not that much of narcissist”. Um, yes. Yes you are. Of course your way to pay respects to Michael Jackson was to take off your pants and stick your hand in your panties then take a picture. I mean, why wouldn’t you? You’re Lindsay Lohan. The only way I could see more of your body at this point is if I saw an X-ray.
NOTE: This has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan, but I get tons of emails asking why we’re not on MySpace. Well, this version of IDLYITW doesn’t have a profile anymore, but feel free to send me a request here.