This Can’t Be Right

Jessica Biel must be some kind of alien warrior princess sent to Earth to learn our ways and to prepare for the upcoming invasion, because as far as I can tell, she’s not shaped like a 10-year old Asian boy and her stomach isn’t curvy enough over her pants. It’s obvious she’s not an actual human woman, because as we all know, if a woman isn’t struggling to breathe carrying her size 12 ass up a flight of stairs then she’s anorexic. There’s no in between. And this is what the aliens failed to understand. This is what they failed to plan for. This is what they have underestimated. So when the attack comes, and it will, we’ll be coming for you Jessica. Oh yes, we’ll be coming for you.

Note: Just to address any confusion in this thread, to reiterate, it’s Jessica Biel we’re talking about. I would pound her ass into a fine powder. Hope that clears everything up.

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