For some reason, Steppin’ Out Magazine (via Gawker) asked Kristin Davis, the owner of the Eliot Spitzer favorite, Wicked Models escort agency, how much she would charge for some of today’s biggest stars. Sure, ok. Here are a few that she mentioned:
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She’s slender and doesn’t have implants. She’s blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern’s wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can’t have now, or the prom queen they couldn’t have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn’t get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn’t let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She’s got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I’m sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don’t have a market for her. She couldn’t work for me. It’s unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn’t bring in any business for me.
I have a penis, so I think I’m qualified to say that the only person on this list who would make any money would be Angelina Jolie. Seriously. If Angelina was a prostitute, I probably wouldn’t be the first guy to wonder where I could hire a dwarf to spin straw into gold.
This is only $1,000? Ooh la la: