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Russell Brand, the British comedian(?) who hosted the MTV Video Music Awards last night, made fun of all the stars who wear “promise rings.” Apparently, Jordin Sparks didn’t like that, so when she got on stage she informed everyone that she wears a promise ring because she doesn’t want to be a slut. What else does this ring do? Is it the one that the Green Lantern wears? It has to be, because I was unaware that a fucking ring could keep you from attacking penises. Don’t look now, but my Amazon wishlist just got updated!!