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Jessica Simpson had a concert in Ontario, Canada on Wednesday night. Here’s a hint: She sucks. John Law of the Niagra Falls Reviews says:
It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going. Simpson, on the other hand, has jumped the rails from pop to country like she’s trying on a new coat at Macy’s. And while the resulting album might surprise some cynics, this cowgirl seems completely lost and desperate for approval on stage. It made for a bizarre and often frustrating show. Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing….It was probably a bad sign that Wednesday’s show started with a taped message from Willie Nelson, basically asking us to give Jessica a chance. She then hit the stage to “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'” – not the only classic she’d maim this night, but the most grating…Armed with that confidence, Simpson opened up about God, divorce and, um, flatulence. “I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.” Seventy bucks a ticket, folks…She’ll get plenty of chances. Jessica Simpson is the perfect celebrity for the TMZ age: Proof you can go so far doing so little. And doing it badly.”
Wow. Somebody should really just pull Jessica Simpson to the side and let her know that maybe talent just isn’t her thing. Because, um, nothing she has tried has worked. Nobody buys her albums, her movies suck, she’s a complete retard on television, and people would rather pay to see a monkey playing the cymbals than to go see her in concert. At this point, she should just do porn or join the circus, because in five years, the only way Jessica Simpson will be newsworthy is if she kidnapped somebody.