She’s still pretending that she’s a singer, but if that’s the only test God has put before me to be able stare at Keeley Hazell’s kick ass rack, then he is a merciful God. Because, well, Keeley Hazell’s body is fucking hot. She could ask me for directions and I’m pretty sure that while she was talking I would ejaculate a Skittles rainbow at some point.
People Magazine released it’s 100 Most Beautiful People list today, so be prepared to feel good about yourself, Kate Hudson is #1. And Rumer Willis is on the list. Rumer Willis. At best, she should be top 5 on the list of male Demi Moore impersonators or a stunt doubles for Jimmy Neutron. But don’t take my word for it, just listen to Kate Hudson’s beauty secrets! They’re amazing!:
Hudson doesn’t owe her famous sun-kissed looks to thousands of hours logged at a spa. “I don’t even remember the last time I got a manicure,” says the 29-year-old mom to son Ryder, 4. “I even got to the point where I started waxing my own legs because I don’t have the time. I’d rather be home with Ryder sitting there waxing my legs. I haven’t gotten a facial in a million years. I don’t do those kinds of things.”
Wow, clogged pores and hit or miss hairy legs? Man, how did People find someone so beautiful?! Just lucky I guess!
In the new issue of Star, we report exclusively on how Katie was recently secluded for three days at Gold Base, the remote, supersecret Scientology compound in Hemet, Calif., where she was put through a demanding schedule. “It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.” Katie’s intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight – with little sleep or food.“
Man, this is sure to put the fire back in their relationship. Because if women love anything, it’s being held against their will and told how to think and act. Maybe if Katie starts behaving herself Tom can brand her with a hot iron or tie a cannonball to her leg whenever she goes outside. How romantic!
Nobody gives a damn about Britney Spears anymore (the paparazzi that used to stalk her are now stalking Miley Cyrus), so I wonder if there was something she could do to make people barely remember they used to care about her? Oh I know, how about walk out of a sauna at Bally Total Fitness in LA to get some water in only a towel in front of photographers? That should do it. Or Britney really, really hopes it does. Because tying her kids to the grill of her car and plowing down PCH would just take too long. And Britney doesn’t have that kinda time.
Be sure to check out Britney’s workout! A whole 52 seconds on the treadmill, how does she do it?!:
Update: Images removed per ALLEGED copyright holder’s request.
Paula Abdul has been a judge on American Idol for like 7 years now, so you can see how easy it would be for her to show up one day and absolutely have no idea what the hell she’s doing. Like last night, when she told Jason Castro she didn’t like his second song, when in reality, Jason Castro didn’t even sing a second song. Paula must have gotten that confused. Mostly because instead of watching people sing, she was watching the grandfatherly dragon read bedtime stories to poor Hispanic kids by a giant oak tree. That or whatever other hallucination you might have when you dump a Vicodin bottle in your vodka, you drunk bitch.
Scarlett Johansson is hot and has huge boobs, so it’s easy to understand why nobody told her that she can’t sing. Now she’s just released an album of Tom Waits covers and here’s a clip of the first single, Falling Down. Surprise! It sucks. Or I don’t know, you might like it. If you’re into the cool sounds of dolphins trapped in a net or sirens at a daycare, hey man, go for it.
The new trailer for The Dark Knight isn’t supposed to be released until Sunday, but due to technological advancements in cell phones and the magic of the Internet, you can see it today. It looks freakin’ amazing, of course, and by the way, I’m calling it now – Heath Ledger will win Best Supporting Actor whether he deserves it or not. The only way he could be more of a lock is if The Joker had down syndrome or could only write with his left foot.