I love London. It’s a magical place filled with extra “u”s in words and drunk whores. The Daily Mail reports:
One is a millionaire model. The other the daughter of rock royalty. But last night, Kate Moss and Kelly Osbourne turned 3am party girls to pair up for a wild night out in London, leaving both clearly the worse for wear as they partied until the early hours of this morning. Kate leant heavily on boyfriend Jamie Hince, as she and Kelly left club Punk in Soho last night. The 34-year-old model, and mother of daughter Lila Grace, 5, exited the club unsteadily with her head hanging down, wearing black shorts and a leather jacket, and opaque tights which appeared to have stains on them. While a dramatically pale Kelly, the daughter of rocker Ozzy Osbourne and X Factor judge Sharon, clearly needed the support of two pals as she made her way out to the waiting car.”
Man, this club must be hot. I imagine people fall over themselves to party with a washed up model and her fat drunk friend. I know I would. This is exactly like the clubs in L.A. except with way more BMI and resistance to sunlight.
Hulk Hogan (a.k.a. the queerer sounding, Terry Bollea) had an extra-marital affair with Christiane Plante, the 33 year old best friend of his daughter. The relationship with Plante, reportedly “common knowledge among some of the crew of his reality series Hogan Knows Best,” was said to be a shock to Hogan’s family. Being the bad asses that they are, National Enquirer took it upon themselves to go knock on this chick’s door and get her to confess:
I’m terribly sorry for what occurred,” Christiane Plante told The ENQUIRER. In an exclusive interview, Christiane apologized for hurting Hulk’s wife and daughter. The ENQUIRER also discovered that she wrote an apology letter to Brooke Hogan, her former best friend. “It was never my intention to hurt Terry’s and Linda’s wonderful, funny, sweet, loving, beautiful and talented daughter Brooke,” Christiane told The ENQUIRER. “My relationship with Terry began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending. She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed. “Terry is a good man, good father and good friend, and he and I grew close at a time when he was going through a very difficult period. It seemed right then, but I know it was wrong.”
Not to defend what Hulk Hogan did, but if I woke up one day and realized that I had been married to this for 24 years, I’d probably be trying to stick it in every young piece that walked by too. Linda Hogan looks like she’s been embalmed. And no matter what they say at funerals, I can’t help but think this isn’t the look she was going for.
Brock Hogan filming that stupid “Hogan Knows Best” show yesterday:
Jessica Alba took a musical stand for Barack Obama today, with an appearance in Will.I.Am’s new video We Are One. The just-released black-and-white pro-Obama project also features Ryan Philippe, John Leguizamo, singer Macy Gray, actor/rapper Tyrese, Ugly Betty’s Eric Mabius, Fantastic Four’s Kerry Washington, Everyone Hates Chris’ Tichina Arnold, comedian George Lopez, Friday Night Lights’ Adrienne Palicki and The Boondocks’ Regina King. In it, mom-to-be Jessica, 26, who’s in her third trimester, says, “I would like to see a cleaner Earth, for my child, who I’m bringing into the world very soon.”
I’m really glad I saw this video. I was struggling to find the right candidate for me, but thanks to the encouragement of a bunch of overpaid high-school dropouts and talking mannequins, I’ve learned that if you chant Obama’s name over and over, something magical will happen! He’s just like Candyman, only lighter!
My contempt for joker-face Cameron Diaz is no secret. However, There’s Something About Mary was on last night, and since I was too lazy to find the remote, I watched it again and it reminded me of these pictures. (This is back when she was dating Matt Dillon, and that’s him humping her in the ocean.) So here they are again, and if you’ve never seen them they’ll be new to you. And if you’ve already seen them, you’ll bitch and whine about them like you always do. Anyway, these are proof that Cameron Diaz only looks somewhat attractive in these types of satellite photos taken from space. Up close, in person, and without makeup she’ll make you vomit. And if you’re like me, you’ll tell her to clean it up. Well, it was her fault after all.
In an interview in this month’s Allure, Kate Beckinsale addresses the time she left her boyfriend/co-star, Michael Sheen, for Len Weisman, the director of Underworld. Then she talks about her vagina.
I was called a slut when I split up with Michael and began seeing Len, but I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!” The star also insisted her best asset is too “private” to discuss. She said: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?”
Coincidentally, my new script, National Treasure: Pharaoh’s Tomb, is currently looking for a star. Serendipity? Why yes, it certainly appears so.
Even though she’s been wearing an engagement ring for the last two months, and despite the fact she posted a cryptic video showing her with a pillow under her shirt, Ashlee Simpson has confirmed she is neither. You can now continue not to care. Us Magazine says:
On Wednesday, she confirmed it’s a promise ring from her Fall Out Boy beau Pete Wentz. “It just means that he hasn’t asked my dad yet…” she explained on Fuse TV’s The Sauce while promoting her upcoming album Bittersweet World. Simpson also set the record straight on another issue: “No, I’m not pregnant,” she declared.”
Pete Wentz looks like he spends most of his time drawing butterflies and getting cosmetic counter makeovers, so Ashlee Simpson really didn’t have to confirm anything. We kinda already knew. I’m not saying Pete Wentz is gay, but Ashlee would have a better chance of getting pregnant by this dude if she somehow could transform into My Chemical Romance.
Early in 2007, Heath Ledger directed and starred in a music video for “Black Eyed Dog”, a song by the late British folk singer Nick Drake’s. Heath made the video as a tribute for the artist for whom Ledger was obsessed. The Nine Network gained exclusive rights to the video, which has only been shown in public twice and shows “disorienting” and “eerie” images that include Ledger drowning himself in the final scene. Drake (if you’ve never heard of him, you probably recognize this) committed suicide in 1974 at the age of 26 by overdosing on the anti-depressant, amitriptyline.
Ledger made the video on a hand-held camera in early 2007 as part of an exhibition celebrating the work of Drake, with whom Ledger said he was “obsessed”. It has so far only been glimpsed twice in public, at Seattle’s Bumbershoot festival in September 2007 and again in Los Angeles the following month. Speaking about Drake at the Venice film festival last September, Ledger said: “Nick Drake is a very mysterious figure. I was obsessed with his story and music and I still have great hopes to tell his story one day.”
Wait, you mean to tell me that Heath Ledger liked Nick Drake’s music then ended up dying in sorta kinda in the same way but not really? Whoa. What a coincidence! I was under the impression that Heath’s death was a tragic accident, but now I know that this video is being shown to prove it might have been something more! It’s also being shown for ratings, don’t forget ratings! Thanks melodramatic Australian news anchor guy!
Note: At the :40 mark, you aren’t going back in time, the video freaks out and starts over again.
In an essay written for Ellyn Spragins’ upcoming book, If I’d Known Then, Jessica Alba says she was traumatized after her elementary school principle and a few PTA moms labeled her a slut because she had big boobs. Yes, I’m sure that was the reason. Page Six says:
The accusation still ricochets…They think I’m a slut?,”…Alba adds: “Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21…It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever…And use birth control and condoms, please.”
As much as I would’ve loved to have been in Jessica Alba’s 6th grade class, if she could just shut up, that would be great. “The accusation still ricochets”? I never see her wearing a scarlet letter, so maybe it’s time to move on. She was born hot, called a slut in 6th grade because people were jealous she was hot, the she grew up to be rich, famous, and hot. Oh my, I hope there’s some way Jessica Alba can pull herself out of this emotional hell.
Jessica pretending she’s a good actress in Latina magazine:
Rumors of Angelina and Brad moving to France have been floating around for a while, and it now seems like the pair want to make the move prior to the birth of their new child (a girl, not twins as previously thought). The Sun UK says:
Angelina’s mum, actress Marcheline Bertrand, died last year and the star wants to embrace her French heritage by bringing up her new tot over there. After months of house-hunting Brad and Angelina – who revealed her bump in a tight black dress at the weekend – have bought a chateau in the south of France and plan to make it their family home…The source added: “Angelina is proud of her French roots and wants her latest addition to be born and raised there.”
You’re probably right in deducing that this wasn’t Brad Pitt’s idea. Of course not, he gets to have unprotected sex with Angelina Jolie. Whenever Brad sees her mouth move he just starts nodding his head. This article could have said “the south of Afghanistan” and the only way Brad Pitt could’ve got there any faster is if he took a wormhole.