Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn announced via their “People” that they’re divorcing after whatever amount of years and too long having been together, and thank God because they sucked as a couple. Sean Penn was loved when he was Spicoli, then he married Madonna and got angry and stuck up. Then he married The Princess Bride, turned into a self-important, egocentric prick, and made almost everyone hate him. It could be worse, though. He could be at the bottom of a lake. You can’t breathe there. Unless you’re a fish. I don’t think Sean Penn is a fish. Oh, God I hope he’s not a fish!
According to a press release issued by the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, the former “O.C.” star was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif. Cops say she “was seen straddling two lanes of traffic and failed to signal when making a turn.” When deputies pulled her over, they determined that she “was an unlicensed driver and was driving while under the influence of an alcoholic beverage.”
The last time we posted about Mischa Barton on this site was when she got too high on mushrooms and “thought she was dying” at Nicole Richie’s house and ended up at the hospital. And pretty much every post before that had something to do with drugs and public nudity. So, yeah, her DUI is the least surprising news I’ve heard this year and, frankly, long overdue. It’s like she’s not even trying. Mischa, either release that sex tape of you, the horse, and the German Shepherd, or go away, because you’re boring. And by that I mean, you’re boring. Even when you get a DUI, you’re boring. I’m yawning as I write this, and ZZzzzz…boringzzzzzzz.
Apparently not trying to hide their relationship anymore, Kim Kardashian and New Orleans Saints running back, Reggie Bush, went shopping together in Beverly Hills on Christmas Eve. I know you’re probably shocked to find out like this, but Reggie Bush is black. The only thing a white guy could do for Kim Kardashian is give her directions to a black guy’s house.
Barron Hilton, Kathy Hilton’s father-in-law, the hotel magnate with an estimated net worth of $3.5 billion, announced yesterday that he will be leaving 97% of his fortune as a charitable trust to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, leaving his children and grandchildren the remaining 3% (a taxable $69 million). Instead of a reported $100 million, his family will only receive approximately $5 million each. New York Daily News reports:
The whole family will be devastated, particularly [Paris' mom] Kathy,” a pal of the clan told the Daily News last night. “Some of them could be likely to contest the will – it’ll be in the courts longer than Anna Nicole Smith versus J. Howard Marshall.”
Rick Hilton owns a Beverly Hills real estate firm and has a net worth of $300 million – even after basically being disowned for marrying Kathy. Paris Hilton makes millions from endorsements and appearances. So, it’s easy to see why Kathy Hilton is so upset. With Barron being so stingy, Kathy will only be able to afford to sleep on a bed of roses five nights a week. And tell me, just how is she supposed to encrust her entire pool with diamonds now? I think this Barron guy has some explaining to do.
While Lindsay Lohan was in rehab at the Cirque Lodge in Utah, she banged at least two dudes. One’s name is Riley Giles. He is a snowboarder. In a shocking interview, he claims that Lindsay Lohan is a whore who can’t get enough sex! That’s right, Lindsay Lohan! Can you believe it?!? He says:
Lindsay’s definitely a nymphomaniac. She’s wild in bed. We’d have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night. “We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She’d demand sex again and again. We’d go at it for hours. She’d have worn out most guys.”…If you have an addictive personality like Lindsay you need that to replace the highs you got from taking drugs all the time. Sex became a key part of her recovery….”Lindsay would tell me she loved me and I’d say that to her, too,” he said. “And I don’t say that to a lot of girls. “She told me she’d only ever had three serious boyfriends-and I’m one of them. We even planned on getting a house and living together out here in Utah. We were together every day for a month and after that I could tell she really loved me a lot by the way she cried and cried when we had to say goodbye at the airport.”
Of course, everything changed when Lindsay got back to L.A.:
Her whole attitude changed about three weeks after she got back there,” he said. “It went from ‘I want to move to Utah’ to ‘Oh, I love LA so much I don’t ever want to leave.’”
It really is cute how this guy thought that Lindsay was actually in love with him. The only thing Lindsay loves is whatever makes Lindsay feel good. If she ever met a flying penis that shot out cocaine and vodka she’d be trying on wedding dresses, but not so much for a snowboarding wigger she blew in rehab.
Remember when Jamie Lynn Spears revealed in an exclusive interview with OK! that she was pregnant with Casey Aldridge’s baby? Yeah, turns out the real father might be a producer on her Nickelodeon show, Zoey 101.
Casey is being paid off to be the family’s fall guy while the real father remains unidentified,” Star magazine insists. They say the real reason is that an older man could be charged with statutory rape if revealed to be the father of an under-aged girl’s baby. But in Jamie Lynn’s home state of Louisiana, Casey would escape charges because a 16-year-old can legally have sex with someone less than two years older than her. “Conveniently, Casey falls under the bar by just 26 days. “The man many suspect is the father, however, would face charges and probably prison time if he were to come forward and admit he had sex with her,” Star magazine states.”
Jamie Lynn Spears has been on this show since she was 13, so this couldn’t get any creepier if this dude has pictures of her dressed up like Little Bo Beep and sucking her thumb. If you’re a child molester, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to offend you. What I meant to say was: you better brush up your resume, because Nickelodeon sounds like a sexy place to work!
Here are some scans of that OK! article (via UTB):
Nicky Hilton is a pampered, spoiled millionaire, so you’d think she would have done something by now to make these pictures more interesting. Like say, for instance, implants. Or lunges. Or rhinoplasty. Or turn herself into a fire breathing dragon. Or anything but this.
Britney felt betrayed and left out when Jamie Lynn did not come to her first.”..Britney called her sister and became upset when she wouldn’t answer or return her call…”Jamie Lynn has a very soft personality,” says the family insider, who added that Jamie Lynn often had to suffer her sister’s tantrums when they were growing up. “She loves Britney, not Britney’s temper.”Though Britney, 26, and Jamie Lynn, 16, have since spoken about the pregnancy, their conversations have been “clinical” and awkward. “Their relationship is estranged,” says the source. “Jamie Lynn does not recognize Britney as the sister she grew up with, so she has gone to her friends, her boyfriend and her mom when she needs someone.” “It is mostly by Britney’s choice,” says the insider. “She is so self-absorbed in her own life that she has forgotten what is important in life, like her family.”
Wait, you mean to tell me that Britney Spears only cares about herself? Whoa, I might need to sit down for that. Britney is normally using her millions and fame to build schools for deaf orphans and to buy cargo planes to drop food over Africa, now you’re saying she’s a spoiled brat who flies into a psychotic rage when people don’t want to do exactly what Britney wants them to? I…I just can’t believe it.
Ashton Kutcher has always seemed kinda goofy and dorky, but this dude owns two successful restaurants and his production company signed a deal with CBS this summer, so maybe this guy isn’t dumb. He’s also banging Demi Moore, who appears as a slutty Rudolph in this video Christmas card from his company, Katalyst Films. And I don’t know where you work, but the possibility of seeing Demi Moore in antlers being bent over a copier would be considered a perk at my office. Our “Casual Sex Fridays” have been kind of boring lately.
Demi Moore in Striptease, because all the other pictures of her were boring (NSFW):