John Travolta Got Fired

Hired to play J.R. Ewing in the beleaguered big screen version of the hit television series, Dallas over two years ago, John Travolta has reportedly been fired.Page Six reports:

John was given a nice seven-figure ‘gift’ to go away quietly,” our source added. “He also got five family members roles in the movie, and they aren’t going to be in it now, either.” A friend of Travolta confirmed, “He is not doing the movie. They’ve gone in a different direction than was originally intended. I don’t know about any ‘gift,’ and I don’t think the family member thing is correct.”

This makes sense because J.R. Ewing loves oil and pussy. John Travolta loves cashmere and chamomile. J.R. Ewing is a badass, John Travolta is comically gay. Look, I believed that thing about the dinosaur DNA in mosquito blood and the talking rat chef, but you’re gonna have a hard time convincing me that Sue Ellen would get her ass beat by a dude in a bedazzled cowboy hat and pink biker shorts.

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