Jessica Simpson Will Get Naked, Won’t Win Oscar

Once upon a time, Jessica Simpson vowed to stay a virgin until she was married. Earlier this year, citing her strong morals and faith, Simpson refused to get naked for a “potentially Oscar-winning role” as a porn star. This was all before God sent her last two movies straight to DVD. Since God hates pious-for-the-camera attention whores, her next movie will contain full frontal nudity.

A source said: “Jessica is in the running for a role that, if she gets it, will put her right on the map in terms of acting. “The only hitch is that the script requires a number of quite graphic scenes including a full-frontal nude scene. Jessica is so desperate to land the role and get the industry’s respect that she’s ready to go against her better judgement, and her family, by agreeing to bare all.”

I’m not sure about acting, but this will definitely put her right on the map in terms of hostessing. Jessica Simpson couldn’t play Jessica Simpson, so maybe this isn’t the best way to earn the industry’s respect. Blondes with DDs shouldn’t be trying to win Oscars, they should be “Girl #4” in Anal Invasion 8 or in orange shorts bringing me wings.

We’ve already seen Jessica’s low hangers anyway (NSFW):


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