Happy New Year! By jenny December 31, 2007



Whatever you do tonight, please do it safe. Don’t be like Paris Hilton and spread herpes. Don’t be like Lindsay Lohan and crash your car while you’re drunk and high. If your crotch looks like Britney’s, please close your legs.

We’ll be back on January 2nd. Until then, enjoy New Year’s Eve with Paris and Nicky Hilton. They’re “like two niggers!”


Whatever you do tonight, please do it safe. Don’t be like Paris Hilton and spread herpes. Don’t be like Lindsay Lohan and crash your car while you’re drunk and high….

Related Posts:

Tags: , , , ,
Lindsay Lohan is a Huge Slut By todd December 31, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Who the hell knows why, but Lindsay Lohan was honored in Italy this weekend at the 12th Annual Capri Film Festival for her contribution to the film industry. Lindsay then celebrated by hooking up with three different dudes in less than 24 hours. The Daily Mail reports:

The Mean Girls actress, 21, first met waiter Alessandro Di Nunzio shortly after arriving on the Italian island of Capri for a film festival. The pair exchanged phone numbers at a film showing which the actress attended with Heroes star and friend Hayden Panettiere, 18. But she dumped her friend shortly afterwards to meet up with, and lock lips with, Di Nunzio. The pair enjoyed a meal together before getting cosy on a hotel sofa together. But it seems Lohan has a short memory when it comes to romance – the following day she was being whisked away by another Italian hunk, older actor Eduardo Costa. Li-Lo, dressed provocatively in a silver foil mini-dress, listened attentively to Costa’s jokes, but it was not long before she was snogging again…Her love life is certainly buoyant, as the third of her trio of kisses was another local actor, Dario Faiella.”

I saw a bumper sticker one time that said “Italy is for lovers!” so the Italians probably gave her this award on purpose. They knew Lindsay would get off the plane and start trying to have sex with as many people as possible. Sure, they could have given the award to an an actual actress, but who else would walk out on stage on their hands? The wheel barrow position is always a crowd pleaser, you know.

Who the hell knows why, but Lindsay Lohan was honored in Italy this weekend at the 12th Annual Capri Film Festival for her contribution to the film industry. Lindsay then…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Christina Aguilera is Having Something By todd December 31, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Christina Aguilera is like 5 feet tall, so if somebody could tell me what is going on with her stomach I’d appreciate it, because it’s twice the size of her body. Christ, she’s huge. Her husband looks like he might have a tail, so I hope this turns out to be a normal human baby. Christina could be bringing home a cute bundle of joy and sunshine, but there’s good possibility the natives could be sacrificing virgins to keep him from attacking their village.

Christina Aguilera is like 5 feet tall, so if somebody could tell me what is going on with her stomach I’d appreciate it, because it’s twice the size of her…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Basic Instlinks By jenny December 31, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Nicolette Sheridan is still in a bikini [Dlisted]
Krystal Forscutt gets topless for FHM [Hollywood Tuna]
Ozzy Osbourne can’t remember [Hollywood Rag]
Homer Simpson faces a new year [City Rag]
Tara Reid counts [College Humor]
Leelee Sobieski is in a bikini [Egotastic]
Jessica Alba has an engagement ring [Just Jared]
Lindsay and Ali Lohan in Jewish outfits (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are still together [Popsugar]
Coco is rocking major cameltoe (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Sean Penn has a dinner date [ASL]
Padma Lakshmi is almost naked [Popoholic]
In Texas, You’re On Your Own (No Country for Old Men) [Pajiba]
Tom Brady gives Tony Romo good advice re: Jessica Simpson [TPC]

Sharon Stone walking around with her nipples hanging out recently (NSFW):

Nicolette Sheridan is still in a bikini [Dlisted] Krystal Forscutt gets topless for FHM [Hollywood Tuna] Ozzy Osbourne can’t remember [Hollywood Rag] Homer Simpson faces a new year [City Rag]…

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia are Dating By todd December 31, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Having denied it for months, Milo Ventimiglia publicly confirmed his relationship with Hayden Panettiere last week. In case you thought it was creepy that a 30 year old dude is dating a chick who just turned 18, a “family friend” wants you to know everything is okay. People reports:

Hayden’s mom adores Milo. She thinks he’s so cute,” a family friend tells PEOPLE. “She tells her friends that he’s her boyfriend. She’s very proud.”…When the couple are together, “they’re very affectionate and very comfortable around each other. He really takes care of her, even down to the little things like giving her a back massage and going with her to work.”…”They’re not afraid to show their affection around her family and their friends,” says the friend.”

Awww, how sweet. They sound romantic. I bet they blow kisses to each other when she points from across the grocery store to which wine coolers she wants. When people see them walking hand in hand by clubs Hayden can’t get into, they stop and think that true love just might be possible. I know I sure do.


Hayden Panettiere and her Fischer Price “My First Pushup Bra” at the 12th Annual Capri Film Festival:

Having denied it for months, Milo Ventimiglia publicly confirmed his relationship with Hayden Panettiere last week. In case you thought it was creepy that a 30 year old dude is…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Paris Hilton and K-Fed are Partying By todd December 31, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton hooked up at Pure in Las Vegas this weekend? What took so long? Page Six says:

Paris whispered some pretty sweet and enticing words in Kevin’s ear,” a Federline family insider told PageSix.com. “She basically asked him where he was staying and if he wanted to visit her in her own suite.” According to the source, Kevin passed, but he said, “It will not be so easy to deny her next time.”

There are several conflicting reports about who approached who and whether or not they spent the night together, but it’s not really hard to imagine what happened. Paris hands out the ass like breath mints and K-Fed is known for getting skanks pregnant. So in nine months when Paris is carrying a baby who’s wearing special ordered shoes and a powder blue Starter jacket, you can tell all your friends you were right.

Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton hooked up at Pure in Las Vegas this weekend? What took so long? Page Six says: Paris whispered some pretty sweet and enticing words in…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Mischa Barton Was Really High By todd December 28, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Mischa Barton was arrested at 2:45 a.m. on Thursday in West Hollywood after police spotted her straddling two lanes of traffic. Turns out she had a good excuse. She was really fucked up. TMZ reports:

A West Hollywood police source tells TMZ that when she was arrested, Mischa Barton blew a .12 on her breathalyzer test, smoked marijuana that day (which cops found) and had prescription drugs in her possession — that weren’t hers!”

Man, what a sexy life Mischa Barton leads! Glamorous days and nights filled with tequila shots, weed, and stolen pills. It’s just like that movie Enchanted, but with way more hallucinations.

Nice pants, dumbass:

Mischa Barton was arrested at 2:45 a.m. on Thursday in West Hollywood after police spotted her straddling two lanes of traffic. Turns out she had a good excuse. She was…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Jennifer Aniston is Not Pregnant By todd December 28, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Jennifer Aniston hasn’t been in the news lately, so her publicist made up a story that Aniston was pregnant, let people talk about it for a few days, then released a statement saying Aniston is not pregnant. See how that works? Us Magazine says:

The National Enquirer reported that Aniston, 38, is expecting and speculated that the father could be either Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor or Sex and the City hunk Jason Lewis. But her rep tells Usmagazine.com: “She is not pregnant.”…The star “is in a great mood,” a source told Us, despite the fact that she didn’t have a date and “left alone” after the Christmas Eve dinner. “There’s no drama, and that’s why she’s happy!”

Good for Jennifer. I saw her profile on a celebrity dating site richlonelyandboring.com. She has a great profile with attractive photos there. What is she looking for there? Dating, love, friends, a man to return her calls? Go there to find out!!

Jennifer Aniston on Christmas Eve:

Jennifer Aniston hasn’t been in the news lately, so her publicist made up a story that Aniston was pregnant, let people talk about it for a few days, then released…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Everyone Hates Jessica Simpson, Part 2 By todd December 28, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Jessica Simpson’s last two movies will be available only on DVD, but somebody should consider releasing them in Texas theaters. Jessica Simpson is from Texas and people just love her there. They would be lining the streets to see her on the big screen. Or the exact opposite. Page Six reports:

Her latest, “Blonde Ambition,” a romantic comedy with fellow Texan Luke Wilson, was headed straight to DVD release when the bosses at Nu Image and Millennium Films decided to give it a limited Christmas run. Bad mistake: The turkey took in just $1,322 on its opening weekend in eight Texas theaters.”

Jessica Simpson must give some mind-altering blowjobs, because Hollywood’s been trying to make this idiot a star for far too long. Here’s a hint: it’s not working. The only way she should be in a movie theater is if she paid to get in. With her talent, at best, she should be laying in a box waiting for a magician to cut it in half.

You can watch the entire horrible movie here. Try not to kill yourself.

Jessica Simpson’s last two movies will be available only on DVD, but somebody should consider releasing them in Texas theaters. Jessica Simpson is from Texas and people just love her…

Related Posts:

Tags:
Leonardo DiCaprio is Smart By todd December 28, 2007

[Gallery not found]

Seen holding hands at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week, Leonardo DiCaprio and his ex-fiancee, Israeli model Bar Refaeli, are reportedly back together after splitting in October. A source says:

…they were never really ‘off’, adding: ‘It’s a struggle to make a relationship like theirs work, but yes, they’re together.’”

Refaeli was seen everywhere with Kelly Slater the last few months, so unless Slater is her brother, I’m thinking they were really “off.” Not that it matters though. Bar Refaeli could break up with me then make a sex tape with the Boston Celtics and I’d still take her back. She’s ridiculously hot. Which is why I don’t get the whole Leonardo thing. Sure he’s a rich, handsome movie star, but can he play Guitar Hero III in expert mode? I didn’t think so. That’s right, expert. Uh huh, that’s right, baby. You like that.

Seen holding hands at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week, Leonardo DiCaprio and his ex-fiancee, Israeli model Bar Refaeli, are reportedly back together after splitting in October. A…

Related Posts:

Tags: ,