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In case you’ve been in a coma, O.J. Simpson’s totally perfunctory preliminary hearing began this week in my fair city of Las Vegas.
Here’s the court listening to the audio recording of O.J. and his gun-toting groupies gettin’ straight up gangsta’ like they gon’ buss a cap in they sports memorabilia dealin’ ass:
And here’s O.J. on his co-conspirator’s (the douche with the black and white mullet) voice mail doing his O.J. best to backtrack and cover his ass after the robbery:
So to all of you who heard that first recording and thought there was an armed robbery going on, O.J. says, “Ain’t nobody have any guns…Where does that shit come from?” But his memory lapse is understandable. Look at those little, white granny-glasses he wears. If that doesn’t scream, “I store canned goods in my pantyhose, and the CIA’s headquarters are in my Depends,” then I don’t know what does.