Anna Nicole Wasn’t Dead, Was Damn Close Though

A person close to Anna Nicole Smith contacted us and told the story behind these photos. I don’t claim this story to be real. For all you know, I’m making all this shit up to get attention – like that punk ass kid in school who’d fart in class and and shoot spitballs at the chalkboard. Long story short, here goes it:

These photos were allegedly taken by Howard K. Stern with Anna Nicole’s camera in the Bahamas less than a month before Anna died. It appears as though Anna was pretty damn drugged up when they were taken. Our source informs us that in a brief moment of clarity, Anna saw these pictures on her digital camera and was terrified not only at her state of intoxication when the photos were shot, but more concerned with why someone would take pictures of her in this state. Anna allegedly relied on “Big Moe,” who was her bodyguard as well as her close friend. Anna reportedly gave these photos to Big Moe as a “gift” and intended them to chronicle her last days, as she feared her impending death upon realizing her advanced, addicted, intoxicated downward spiral.

Our source would also like people to know that he sent these photos to bloggers because he felt this was the best way to help Anna Nicole “speak from the grave” and tell her story, specifically that she was taken advantage of and exploited by those closest to her prior to her death while in an obvious incoherent and vulnerable state, and he also hopes bigger, more reputable media outlets will investigate his story. The source didn’t ask for any monetary compensation and assures us these photos belong to Big Moe, Anna’s bodyguard and close friend.

And here’s where I’d normally throw in a joke, but I’m having a hard time finding the humor in this one, so I’ll end with Eddie Murphy’s famous Delirious joke:

“Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” And the rabbit says, “No.” So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.”

Click the thumbnails for larger photos, they’re probably NSFW:

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