Britney Spears is a Loser By todd October 31, 2007

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You probably heard this already, but for the sake of reporting, Commissioner Scott Gordon denied Britney Spears’ petition to regain custody of her two children yesterday, effectively granting sole custody to Kevin Federline. Spears is allowed three monitored visits per week, two from 12:00 Noon to 7:00 PM and one overnight. TMZ reports:

In the order, the Commish wrote that when Britney has the kids, “the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all.” The Commish also recounts what the parenting coach complained of — that “during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play.” According to the report, the coach wrote, “It seems that [Britney's] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.” The coach also said Spears seemed to have a “lack of general attention at times” but there was nothing she “would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense.” And then the most damning comment from the parenting coach: “The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful.”

So, to paraphrase, Britney is a selfish bitch who can’t be bothered with her kids unless they are somehow nearby when she’s doing something Britney wants to do. In Britney’s defense, I can see how that would be a problem. Two year olds can’t even get in to most clubs.

You probably heard this already, but for the sake of reporting, Commissioner Scott Gordon denied Britney Spears’ petition to regain custody of her two children yesterday, effectively granting sole custody…

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Britlinks By jenny October 31, 2007

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Fergie gets attacked with a crimping iron [Dlisted]
Jessica Simpson might be in Grease [Hollywood Rag]
Mary Carey is a porn star [Hollywood Tuna]
Lindsay Lohan is a big headed/small footed freakshow (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
David Beckham gets all romantic in Arena [Popsugar]
Jessica Alba and Mike Myers have a new movie [Just Jared]
Cheerleading is dangerous [College Humor]
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are one [City Rag]
Natalie Portman does parade [Egotastic]
Yet another Angelina Jolie pregnancy rumor [ASL]
Hayden Pannettiere’s panties (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Emmy Rossum is a devil [Popoholic]

In honor of Robert Goulet’s passing:


Britney‘s former assistant, Kalie Machado, leaked these old pics to the press today:

Fergie gets attacked with a crimping iron [Dlisted] Jessica Simpson might be in Grease [Hollywood Rag] Mary Carey is a porn star [Hollywood Tuna] Lindsay Lohan is a big headed/small…

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Britney Spears is Doing Well By todd October 31, 2007

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Worrying about your pending child custody can be difficult, and some might say the best way to take your mind off that is to go to a bar and get drunk and high and dance on a table. Like Britney. On Monday, along with Alli Sims and several of her friends(?), Britney went to Winston’s and basically acted like Britney. Then, it got much, much worse:

As the evening came to a close, at about 1:30 a.m., Britney headed into the ladies room – again – and was spotted chatting with a brunette female bartender. “While waiting for a stall to open up, Britney turned to the bartender, who was wearing a low-cut black dress, and said, ‘You have nice tits! Mine are all saggy!‘” an eyewitness tells OK!. The bartender, somewhat dumbstruck by the comment, replied, ‘Thank you?!!” Brit then asked the girl, “Do you wanna change? I wanna switch outfits!! Let’s switch!!’” “At this point, the bartender felt that she had no choice but to comply,” the eyewitness says. “The ladies proceeded to switch outfits and Britney happily walked back to her booth in the bartender’s duds. The bartender, clearly taken aback, but with a great attitude, went back behind the bar and continued serving drinks in Spears’ French maid outfit, telling patrons, ‘I’m wearing Britney’s costume, including her bra! She made me take her bra!’”

Then they all decided to go back to Britney’s house where Britney dressed up in a scuba mask and a barrel with suspenders then grabbed a fork and chased an imaginary hot dog just to fully drive the point home that she has completely lost her fucking mind.

Britney in the bartender’s clothes (possibly NSFW):

Britney before she “switch”ed:

Worrying about your pending child custody can be difficult, and some might say the best way to take your mind off that is to go to a bar and get…

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Jessica Simpson Might Be Dating Owen Wilson By todd October 31, 2007

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Star magazine is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson were seen on a date in Los Angeles recently. The pair reportedly hit it off after meeting in Austin on October 16th while working on a Willie Nelson video:

The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home. “He couldn’t keep his hands off her,” a witness told the mag.”

Instead of picturing Jessica Simpson’s career, picture a dolphin trapped in a fishing net, and you’ll get a clearer understanding as to why these two are “dating.” Because open any magazine, and you’ll find that Jessica Simpson is supposed to be some kind of Hollywood sex symbol. Too bad she can’t keep a man for longer than five minutes. Enter Owen Wilson. Nice one, Papa Joe. Way to think ahead. Compared to slitting his wrists and swallowing a bottle of pills like a girl, the thought of getting caught massaging Jessica Simpson’s prostate really won’t register that high on Owen Wilson’s embarrassment scale.

Jessica on October 25th:

Source

Star magazine is reporting that Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson were seen on a date in Los Angeles recently. The pair reportedly hit it off after meeting in Austin on…

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Jennifer Lopez is a Superstar By todd October 30, 2007



Jennifer Lopez has been a insufferable bitch for years, but it’s now rumored that Epic Records and it’s parent company, Sony BMG, may be on the verge of dropping Lopez because there’s no longer any money in tolerating her anymore. Despite her new album, Brave, only selling 53,000 copies in it’s first week and currently sitting at #175 on Amazon’s sales chart, Lopez apparently still believes she’s an international superstar. MSNBC reports:

She costs too much money and doesn’t sell enough,” says the source, who is familiar with the issue. “Her last album cover alone cost $60,000 in hair and makeup, lighting, photographers, re-touching, etc. The video budget was in the neighborhood of $300,000.” And that’s just what it costs to get the album out the door. Lopez performed on “Good Morning America” earlier this month, and all the costs were absorbed by the label. “Epic had to eat the cost for that entire performance….The woman requires everything short of flying monkeys to get on a stage.”

Jennifer Lopez is basically a Latin Britney Spears, so this really isn’t surprising. The best thing that ever happened to Lopez was the president of Selena’s fan club. Strip away the Hollywood fairy dust and the studio magic, and she’s just a fat chick who’s voice sounds like kittens in a fire. Her career, at best, should consist of her parked at the corner of an intersection beside the mall, selling those giant rugs and Puerto Rican flags to help cover the cost of night school.

Jennifer Lopez has been a insufferable bitch for years, but it’s now rumored that Epic Records and it’s parent company, Sony BMG, may be on the verge of dropping Lopez…

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Josh Duhamel Wants Babies By todd October 30, 2007

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Josh Duhamel clearly doesn’t read this site, because not only is he still dating Fergie, he now says he wants to have kids with her. He tells OK!:

I’ve got a lot of friends with kids. Two of my friends have three kids. They all have kids except for me – so I got to get on the horse!”…”I don’t know. [I feel a little bit] jealous [of my friends]. But I’m taking my time. We’ll do it when it’s right. It’s busy right now for me and my girl. It will happen.”

Josh Duhamel must’ve been joking around since Halloween is tomorrow, because he has to know that Fergie is a monster. You normally only see faces like hers on haunted pirate ships or punching out of graves. If I was Josh, I’d probably drop by Home Depot and pick up and ax. I mean, I guess an actual baby could come out, but why take a chance?

Fergie performing for her fellow trannies in Thailand on October 13th:

Josh Duhamel clearly doesn’t read this site, because not only is he still dating Fergie, he now says he wants to have kids with her. He tells OK!: I’ve got…

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Hayden Panettiere Wants Attention By jenny October 29, 2007

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Hayden Panettiere was in Taiji, Japan to help raise awareness for the thousands of Dolphins who are slaughtered there each year.

Hayden Panettiere, star of TVs hit series Heroes, paddled out on behalf of Save The Whales Again! www.savethewhalesagain.com. She expressed that she felt the spirit of the dolphins who had been driven into the killing cove over the last 400 years. We had a moment of silence for all the dolphins that had been killed here, said Panettiere, who uses her celebrity to protect dolphins and whales. It was highly emotional. I wished for peace and for no more pain at this beautiful yet tragic cove.”

Fuck all that do-gooder stuff, I’m more concerned with Hayden’s mom. She must be an English teacher, because those apostrophes above her eyes really punctuate her face.

Source

Hayden Panettiere was in Taiji, Japan to help raise awareness for the thousands of Dolphins who are slaughtered there each year. Hayden Panettiere, star of TVs hit series Heroes, paddled…

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Avril Linkigne By jenny October 29, 2007

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Celine Dion’s son is still a girl [Just Jared]
Kim Kardashian’s sisters are almost whores [Dlisted]
Justin Timberlake is a diva [Hollywood Rag]
Elizabeth Hurley is in a bikini [Hollywood Tuna]
Halloween Lights [College Humor]
Benicio Del Toro or Wolf Man? [City Rag]
Petra Nemcova is still trying to be famous [Egotastic]
Lindsay Lohan wrecks relationships [ASL]
Michelle Heaton slips a nip (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Olivia Wilde is a bobblehead [Popoholic]
Elvira is still alive and slutty (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Adrian Grenier looks gay [Popsugar]
My Super Sweet 16 (MTV) [Pajiba]

Avril Lavigne‘s super punky costume at Hyde this weekend:

Celine Dion’s son is still a girl [Just Jared] Kim Kardashian’s sisters are almost whores [Dlisted] Justin Timberlake is a diva [Hollywood Rag] Elizabeth Hurley is in a bikini [Hollywood…

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Britney Gives Tony Romo Nightmares a Lap Dance By jenny October 29, 2007

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Ryan “I Am Gay” Seacrest, was at Les Deux Friday night where Britney Spears was celebrating being a loser after her custody hearing and was witnessed giving Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, a lap dance.

I spoke to her for a minute. She seemed to be in a very, very good mood,” he said on his KIIS-FM radio show this morning. “She had her sunglasses on. I said, ‘Busy day, huh?’ She kind of smiled and laughed and said, ‘Yeah.’ And then I believe I saw her and Tony Romo frolicking.”

“Lap dancing?” a co-host asked.

“I mean some would say,” Seacrest said.

“She’s on his lap,” the co-host continued.

“Yeah,” Seacrest replied.

Usmagazine.com reported Spears (with longtime pal Alli Sims) first met up with Romo when they made a five-minute stop at Ketchup restaurant in L.A.after her frenzied custody court hearing on Friday. Spears and Sims left after about five minutes. The pair hit Les Deux around 10:30 p.m. Romo, 27 (who was recently linked to Sophia Bush), and his friends joined them a short time later. “She was dancing and talking a lot with Tony,” an onlooker told Usmagazine.com. Spears, the witness added, “seemed in a really good mood and was super happy when [one of her] songs came on.” Her pal Avril Lavigne also popped by her table to say hi. In typical Spears club style, the singer changed into a new dress and shades in a club bathroom midway through the night. By 1:15 a.m., Spears left with Sims, but returned to the club a short time later after realizing she accidentally left her cell phone behind.”

This is the kind of shit that causes more interceptions, Romo. I can see it now. Next week Tony’s about to throw long to Jason Witten who’s standing wide open in the end zone waving his arms, when all of a sudden Tony remembers Friday night…

Britney suffocates him with her pizza slice shaped tits, flosses his teeth with her dreadlocks, goes in for a kiss with her freshly injected, scabby collagen lips, and worst of all, grinds all over Tony with her pantyless crotch … leaving gooey snail trails all over him which resembles a scene from Ghostbusters

Then Tony Romo hands the ball to the Eagles defense, takes off his helmet and throws up in it. But he gets $67.5 Million anyway. When asked for comment, Tony said, “I’M RICH, BEYOTCH!! Honk! Honk!”

Britney leaving court on Friday:

Source

Ryan “I Am Gay” Seacrest, was at Les Deux Friday night where Britney Spears was celebrating being a loser after her custody hearing and was witnessed giving Dallas Cowboys quarterback,…

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Kim Kardashian Does Playboy By todd October 29, 2007



Kim Kardashian went on the Tyra Banks Show in a 1800s school teacher outfit last month and said that she wanted to put her sex tape behind her because she wanted to be a positive role model for her four sisters. Then she posed naked for Playboy. Man, what a shining example Kim is to young girls everywhere. She’s like Helen Keller and Jane Austen except with implants and other people’s pee all over her.

These are NSFW, obviously:

Update: Images removed per request.

Kim Kardashian went on the Tyra Banks Show in a 1800s school teacher outfit last month and said that she wanted to put her sex tape behind her because she…

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