Britney is Back, Y’all



By now you’ve probably seen Britney Spears’ triumphant comeback on the VMAs last night, so congratulations. Everybody else thought it sucked, too! New York Daily News says:

Britney Spears’ black bikini sparkled, but her “comeback” performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night fell as flat as her ill-fitting blond weave. Britney lip-synched her way through a three-minute, show-opening performance of her new single “Gimme More,” but it was a far cry from her energetic outings at VMAs past. Glassy-eyed and out of step, Britney seemed lost in a sea of pole dancers and overmuscled male models who groped her so much she wasn’t even mouthing the words by the time her number ended. Cuts to the audience revealed fellow artists rolling their eyes. 50 Cent looked like he might have just thrown up in his mouth, and Rihanna was flat-out laughing to a table guest. “She didn’t seem like she wanted to be there. There was no spark,” said rapper Common. “I don’t wanna disrespect her, but she can’t sing!” Record-producing rapper Akon was a bit more diplomatic: “I think she needed to have focused more on the show and less on the parties.” Possible Brit love interest Criss Angel, who reportedly worked so hard with the singer to prepare for the show, wasn’t even in the audience by the time Britney performed.”

However, the Britney ass kissers over at BreatheHeavy.com, have already started with the excuses:

Britney overheard Sarah Silverman rehearsing her monologue in which she calls Britney’s babies mistakes and takes jab after jab at Britney. Britney made it very clear with MTV that Sarah was NOT allowed to talk about her kids, and MTV agreed. That big-mouthed bitch said it anyway. Sam Lufti was overheard backstage screaming at Sarah Silverman because of her outrageous remarks saying: “Sarah Silverman is a seriously unprofessional person to make fun of infants to get a laugh. Making fun of kids is not condonable,” and that “she should have picked on someone her own size.” Perhaps this why Britney looked upset during her performance.”

Yeah, this is totally understandable, because everybody knows how much Britney cares about her kids. Those precious five minutes a day she spends with them while she’s getting ready to go to the club is something Sarah Silverman will never understand. That bond can never be broken. That’s not second hand smoke those babies are breathing in, that’s their mother’s love.

And even better scenario to explain Britney’s performance is that she was spotted leaving Tao at 3am the night before the VMAs and was seen awake right after dawn. 12 hours before she was scheduled to take the stage. She was probably spending quality time with her kids.

Update: Watch a video of a typical Britney Spears fan after the jump…

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