Nicole Richie Confirms She’s Pregnant By jenny July 31, 2007

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Soon to be jailed for DUI, Nicole Richie, used the softly lit, flatteringly filtered lenses at Good Morning America and 20/20 to finally admit the obvious. ABC News reports:

In an exclusive television interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer, Nicole Richie confirms for the first time she is pregnant with Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden’s baby.

“Yes, I am. We are. I’m almost four months,” Richie told Sawyer.”

Wow. How embarrassing it would be to go all the way to Diane Sawyer to admit you got impregnated by one of the dorks from Good Charlotte. That’s almost as embarrassing as going all the way to Diane Sawyer to admit you had sex with Nicole Richie.

Nicole Richie on her way to finding out she’ll be pregnant in jail:

Soon to be jailed for DUI, Nicole Richie, used the softly lit, flatteringly filtered lenses at Good Morning America and 20/20 to finally admit the obvious. ABC News reports: In…

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Scarlett Johansson Isn’t a Porn Star By todd July 31, 2007

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God insists on punishing us with fake news this week, and today is no different now that Scarlett Johansson says she isn’t playing porn star Jenna Jameson in the film version of her best-selling book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. Numerous reports claimed Scarlett accepted the role yesterday, but apparently not. People reports:

Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project,” says a rep for the actress. “She also has no interest in playing this role.”…Speaking with PEOPLE at the Comic Con convention in San Diego this weekend, Jameson, 33, said she was smitten with the 22-year-old Johansson after seeing her Golden Globe-nominated turn in the 2003 film Lost in Translation…”I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy,” Jameson said. “I was like, ‘This girl could play me.’”

I almost started crying until I realized this movie is being made by Hollywood. So it’s basically gonna be a movie about porn without any actual porn. There’s no telling what Hollywood might do. Jenna Jameson might end up being played by a gay dude or we’ll learn that when she wasn’t stripping she was a government assassin or a Transformer.

Scarlett Johansson performing with the Pussycat Dolls:

Jenna Jameson before she messed up her face (NSFW):

Note: Jessica Simpson was also reportedly offered this role, but her Daddy turned it down for her. Yeah, because the one thing she’s famous for is her uncanny ability to attach herself to quality projects.

God insists on punishing us with fake news this week, and today is no different now that Scarlett Johansson says she isn’t playing porn star Jenna Jameson in the film…

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Anne Linkaway By jenny July 31, 2007

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Star Jones finally admits she’s a big fat liar [Dlisted]
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake won’t touch each other in public [Hollywood Rag]
Keanu Reeves vs. Teddy Bears [College Humor]
Idiots are still hiring Paris Hilton [Popsugar]
Lucy Pinder has lots of cash [Hollywood Tuna]
Homewrecker Claire Danes is backless [Egotastic]
The 50 best movie robots [City Rag]
Reese Witherspoon is Jake Gyllenhaal‘s beard again [Just Jared]
Lindsay Lohan gets sued [ASL]
Laura Vandervoort is Smallville’s Supergirl [Popoholic]
Danielle Lloyd ass flashing (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Elisabetta Canalis almost nip-slips (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Kelly Brook in very very very nice [Horny Oyster]
Gore, Bore, Whore (I Know Who Killed Me) [Pajiba]
Bonus: Little People, Big World’s Matt Roloff gets arrested [Dlisted]

No, these aren’t new, but they are NSFW:

Star Jones finally admits she’s a big fat liar [Dlisted] Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake won’t touch each other in public [Hollywood Rag] Keanu Reeves vs. Teddy Bears [College Humor]…

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Cindy Crawford is Topless By todd July 31, 2007

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I distinctly remember a time when I would’ve shot my parents in the face for a chance to go down on Cindy Crawford, so it’s kinda depressing seeing her now that she’s 41. She looks nothing like the picture I had in my wallet. In fact, nothing in these pictures is how I imagined it back in 1993. That yacht doesn’t look like my dorm room. Cindy doesn’t look like she’s wearing stilettos and a cop hat. And I bet that yacht doesn’t even have H-Town’s “Knocking Da Boots” on repeat. Frankly, I don’t even know why I even bothered to look at these.

These are NSFW:

I distinctly remember a time when I would’ve shot my parents in the face for a chance to go down on Cindy Crawford, so it’s kinda depressing seeing her now…

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Britney Spears is Protective By todd July 31, 2007

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Laura Wasser, Britney Spears’ lawyer, asked that the court seal the the child custody provisions of the finalized divorce settlement between Spears and Federline yesterday. Wasser claims that the provisions, which detail the timeshare schedule and transportation of Sean Preston and Jayden James, would allow the media and potential kidnappers to easily figure out the location of the children at any given time. Wasser says:

Such information greatly increases the chances that the actions of the media could threaten the safety of the minor children by, for example, causing a traffic accident or by exposing the minor children to criminals who might target the minor children for financial gain.”

If I’m Sean Preston or Jayden James, I’m so pissed right now. They’d probably rather take their chances at Neverland Ranch than with another trip outside with this retard. I’m surprised they’re not pretending to be 15 year old girls on MySpace. At least the guy who shows up will buckle their seat belts.

Here are some pictures that showed up online yesterday from the same night these were taken. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of another person more qualified to raise children:

Note: Britney is wearing professional fishnet dance tights which are designed to compress and smooth the appearance of your legs and buttocks, so don’t be fooled, her ass and legs really look like this.

Laura Wasser, Britney Spears’ lawyer, asked that the court seal the the child custody provisions of the finalized divorce settlement between Spears and Federline yesterday. Wasser claims that the provisions,…

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Paris Hilton Isn’t Broke By todd July 31, 2007

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So, apparently this was a disgusting lie and Paris has not been cut off from her inheritance. In fact, she’ll inherit somewhere around $30 million when he finally dies. So while I’m working on my formula to keep him in suspended animation for the next 1,000 years, here are some pictures of Paris on a recent episode of the officially cancelled The Simple Life. In blackface. Please keep in mind that Paris is an unapologetic racist. She should have saved some paint and just drew crosshairs between her eyes. It’s pretty much the same thing.

Update (thanks, MK!): Watch a video clip of blackface Paris after the jump…

IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com- paris hilton blackface
Uploaded by IDLYITWdotcom

So, apparently this was a disgusting lie and Paris has not been cut off from her inheritance. In fact, she’ll inherit somewhere around $30 million when he finally dies. So…

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Britney Spears is a Real Pro By todd July 30, 2007

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Just hours after her complete meltdown during her interview with OK! Magazine, Britney lost it yet again on set of the music video for Give Me More. Looking “dead-eyed and disorientated,” Britney was reportedly rude, uncooperative and eventually ended up storming off the set in tears. NOTW reports:

She was completely uncooperative and left everyone hanging about when she went for an hour’s massage – twice. She just didn’t want to cooperate and was snotty and rude to everyone – behaving like a complete and utter spoiled brat. When she wasn’t pissing people off, Britney was smoking like a chimney. She didn’t eat or drink anything other than can after can of Red Bull. She could have drank 20 of them all told. She had a problem with the extras being about when she did the pole dance. She was shy or embarrassed or something and she really started struggling with the whole thing…Suddenly she was in floods of tears and stormed off set. She eventually came back but was sobbing hysterically… By now it was nearly midnight and the director just called things to an end and sent people home. It was a total shambles…She needs help fast.”

I mean, I really don’t even know what to say anymore. Anybody who works with this basket case is a fucking moron. Of course she’s gonna act like this. It’s Britney. She’ll show up drunk and completely out of her mind then end up crying. You’d have an easier time working with cobras or land mines than anything involving Britney Spears.

Images via BritneySpears.pl

Just hours after her complete meltdown during her interview with OK! Magazine, Britney lost it yet again on set of the music video for Give Me More. Looking “dead-eyed and…

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Megan Fox Needs to Upgrade By todd July 30, 2007

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Megan Fox is insanely hot, so I’m trying to figure out why she’s still engaged to David Silver. She must have lost a bet or he’s keeping her parents hostage because this makes no sense. She’s one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood and he looks like Kevin Federline’s dad. There’s no telling how he pulled this. He either attended Hogwarts or he has brain cancer. Although I’m not quite sure if “sex with Megan Fox” is one of the things Make-A-Wish will provide.

Megan Fox is insanely hot, so I’m trying to figure out why she’s still engaged to David Silver. She must have lost a bet or he’s keeping her parents hostage…

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Hayden Panettiere is Short By todd July 30, 2007

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Hayden Panettiere turns 18 next month and I’m sure that’s good news to some of you, but hopefully she’ll get whatever gland problem she has fixed by then. Because based on these pictures, she can’t be any more than 4 feet tall. I appreciate her enthusiasm with the shorts, but I don’t remember that being part of the Lollipop Guild uniform. I don’t know, it’s been a while. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s cute, but when I take her out I’d rather my license plate not be mentioned in an Amber Alert.

Hayden Panettiere turns 18 next month and I’m sure that’s good news to some of you, but hopefully she’ll get whatever gland problem she has fixed by then. Because based…

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Another Lindsay Lohan Movie Sucks By todd July 30, 2007

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Lindsay Lohan’s new movie, I Know Who Killed Me, came out this weekend and critics the world over are singular in their praise:

Who could’ve predicted a bust for alleged cocaine possession, vocational self-destruction, and a general display of young Hollywood stupidity would be the career highlight of Lohan’s weekend.- efilmcritic.com

There’s a fresh candidate in the running for worst movie of 2007 honors. – Hollywood Reporter

No review could really do justice to the monumental trashiness of this mess; it really has to be seen to be believed. – New York Daily News

A disaster that exerts a perverse fascination. – Variety”

Wow, not only does this movie sound totally great, it shattered box office records with a staggering opening weekend of $3.4 million! After these powerful reviews, Lindsay is sure to get an Oscar nod for her turn as a stripper who doesn’t take her clothes off then gets her leg amputated, but nobody could have imagined this film’s success. If it stays in theaters for 100 more years, it could overtake Titanic! Congratulations, Lindsay!



Lindsay rehearsing for another shitty movie:

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Lindsay Lohan’s new movie, I Know Who Killed Me, came out this weekend and critics the world over are singular in their praise: Who could’ve predicted a bust for alleged…

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