Katie Holmes is Almost a Porn Star



A 5’9″, 122 pound, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, “never-been-kissed” virgin from Illinois is launching a porn career under the name, Katee Holmes. A student at the Fashion Institute of Design in California, Katee, 18, says:

I know it’s pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it. How many people wished they could relive their first experience, if not to remember it but to learn from it, right?”

The real Katie Holmes has already heard about this and needless to say, she’s not happy. Her camp says:

It’s a really cheap shot…It’s really kind of sleazy, using her name like that…Obviously, Tom would support Katie in anything she decides to do about it.”

Yeah Katie, because this will be the thing that ruins your good name. Not your marriage and your career. This. A chick who’s name sounds like yours. But no need to worry, because no one will ever mistake you for a porn star. You’re boring and gross now, so please save yourself from acting embarrassed. You’re married to Tom Cruise. This girl could wear a Katie Holmes mask and get gang banged on live television and it would only be about the third or fourth most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in the last two years.

Katee Holmes via AVN and Adult Talent Managers. Thanks Chris!

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on the set of Mad Money:

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