The Oscars Were Last Night

Maybe I’ve been too obsessed with her ass to notice, but Jessica Biel looks like she’s aged 20 years in about six months. Oh, I’d still hit it like Dale Earnhardt, but instead of immediately doing it again, we could watch Wheel of Fortune or go to Denny’s. You know, whatever she wanted to do. I’m pretty flexible.

It makes me happy seeing Jennifer Lopez at the Oscars because I know she’ll never get one. She can’t sing, she can barely act, so all she basically has is an utterly confusing sense of self worth and an overrated ass. In five years, she’ll be the ugly one on Univision.

According to the media, Cameron Diaz is one of the sexiest woman in Hollywood. Yeah, this freakish mutant. Just look at this monster’s face. I swear, it would be easier to raise the Titanic that it would be for me to get an erection looking at this hag.

Just Google “Gwyneth Paltrow” and “America” and you’ll have pages of reasons why people hate this self-righteous bitch. When she’s not burning the American flag, her hobbies include not working and avoiding direct sunlight.