Britney Spears Gets More Insane

Promises Clinic staffers found Britney’s “death list” after stripping Spears when they suspected she smuggled cocaine into the facility. The list included Kevin Federline and several members of the paparazzi. A source said:

When the staff confronted her she just burst into tears. She was crying uncontrollably — she’s now such a broken woman. She has dark fantasies about terrible things happening to her enemies.”

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Britney Spears has also reportedly become “increasingly paranoid” and routinely checks her room for recording devices because she feels “that her thoughts are being recorded.” As a result, Britney has been now placed on suicide watch and the staff has reserved a bed for her at University of California Hospital’s psychiatric ward. A friend says:

She’s convinced that everyone is out to get her…And the smallest thing can set off a fully-blown panic attack. She gets this fearful look in her eyes and starts trembling all over, dripping with sweat and gasping for breath and she looks like she’s going to faint at any time. It’s absolutely terrifying to see. It is the behavior of someone who has completely lost their mind.”

Jason Alexander, Britney’s husband for 55 hours in 2004, has come forward to reveal that Britney’s drug problem started a long time ago. He claims they used cocaine, Ecstasy, Valium and Vicodin during their brief relationship, and that Britney almost overdosed on MDMA, pure ecstasy. He says:

I took her into the bathroom and threw her in the shower. She was unconscious. She tripped and fell. I was trying to hold her up and speak to her. She wasn’t moving. I remember looking down at her all crumpled in the tub with the water coming down. She looked so white and lifeless. I thought she was dead. I thought, ‘This bitch is going to fucking die right here in front of me.'”

Holy shit, if you’re Britney Spears’ publicist you might as well go ahead and kill yourself. Unless you have a time machine, there’s no way to fix this. Britney Spears could join Al-Qaeda tomorrow and it would be the best PR she’s had in about a year.

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