Kelly Slater Must Be Feeling Charitable


TMZ is reporting that since the Golden Globes, where she repeatedly made a jealous ass out of herself, Cameron Diaz has been spending the week with pro surfer, Kelly Slater, at his home on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii.

We’re told the couple shared a romantic oceanfront dinner at Haleiwa Joe’s restaurant before heading back to Slater’s place. Indeed, we’re told Cameron is staying with Slater.”

Kelly Slater’s ex-girlfriends include Gisele Bundchen and Pamela Anderson, so Cameron Diaz is the last step on a downward spiral of famous female celebrities. This guy is ridiculously gorgeous and talented, yet he’s wasting perfectly perfect DNA laden sperm on this Joker-faced garbage can. Waking up next to her and seeing her lipstick, mascara and the spackle used to fill in her pock marks smeared all over your pillowcase must be a super sexy way to start the day. The sunlight turns her into a hairless, flat chested werewolf, so I imagine the only way Kelly Slater copes is by setting his alarm to wake him up before dawn and tossing a raw steak in the dog bowl next to her side of the bed before he runs screaming out of the house.

She looks like a wedding cake topper that someone took a bite of and spit out: