The 2006 Billboard Music Awards Were Last Night

If you had nothing better to do, you probably watched the American Billboard Music Awards last night. I spent my night watching Jake Delhomme throw interceptions and padding his Hall Of Fame resume by compiling the worst 4th quarter rating in the NFL. Go team!

Well, sorry Carmen. It’s been a good run. You had your time in the sun, honey. The next time she shows up on the red carpet, instead of makeup and glitter, she’ll be wearing calk and duct tape.

Thank God for Nelly Furtado, or we would have been staring at this list a fug for a few days. This is the best I’ve seen her look in months. Or maybe it’s because everyone else is ugly. She stands out like an amputee in a room full of burn victims.

Janet Jackson has been an international superstar for like 20 years, is worth millions, yet this is the best she could come up with. Cuff links with a dress and a bad wig. She looks like a ghetto fabulous Willy Wonka.

Katharine McPhee looks slightly better than she did yesterday, only because she didn’t show up looking like a nurse from the future. I’m more concerned about what happened to her boobs. Either she’s had a mastectomy or she doesn’t want to be famous anymore.

Rihanna apparently won the award for biggest forehead. Damn, she could touch her temples and raise the Titanic.

I don’t know why Vida Guerra was there. Maybe to receive her lifetime achievement award for being Photoshopped.