Britney Spears is Almost a Porn Star

News of the World is reporting that Kevin Federline is threatening to sell a four hour long sex tape, which the couple made on their honeymoon, to a company in Arizona for $50 million in a last ditch attempt to milk every penny he can from Britney Spears. Ever the gentleman, Federline is willing to sell the tape to Spears for $30 million and full custody of the couple’s two children.

Federline, 28, has bragged to pals that his X-rated tape shows the Oops, I Did It Again singer performing a series of explicit sex acts. The home-made video is believed to show the naked couple enjoying an uninhibited range of love-making and sexual games…Kevin has told Britney she should comply with his demands otherwise the whole world will see her having sex, which will be devastating.”

Yes, watching this would be devastating. I’d rather watch a video of Jigsaw telling me about the thing around my neck than watch K-Fed bury his face in this.
My penis just told me it would crawl back up inside me and stop my heart after about two seconds just for spite. And that no one would hear me scream.

Britney looking like an idiot and showing off her plastic surgery this weekend: