Tom Cruise Wore a Girdle By jenny November 30, 2006
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Tommy, baby, don’t think you’re off the hook because Britney Spears’ crotch has dominated the gossip world this week. We still have room to make fun of you. And call you fat.

About Tom Cruise’s wedding costume:

The ‘Top Gun’ star is said to be a nervous eater and put on so much weight in the run up to his wedding to Katie Holmes he needed some help getting into his Armani suit. According to US gossip columnist Janet Charlton, a source at Armani said: “Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he’s a ‘nervous eater’. “When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear thaView the profile for Katie Holmes on Celebrity Spotlightt Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom’s pants were let out and various details were adjusted. The source added: “Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn’t protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom’s midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom’s undergarment.”

Where I come from, they call that “squeezing 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack.” They also call that “gay.”

Here’s the pig nosed waif at Tom and Katie’s wedding. It’s like somebody deflated Saturn and painted it black.

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Tommy, baby, don’t think you’re off the hook because Britney Spears’ crotch has dominated the gossip world this week. We still have room to make fun of you. And call…
Lindsay Lohan is an Alcoholic By todd November 30, 2006
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Lindsay Lohan was spotted yesterday at 7:30 a.m. leaving an AA meeting near her apartment. A friend confirms she is trying to get sober:

She has attended several meetings and has hopefully decided to turn her life around – this time for good. She is out of control.” Lohan skipped Thanksgiving with her mom, Dina, and her family because she knew “someone would force an intervention on her.” So Dina – who likes a party almost as much as her wild-child daughter – has arrived in L.A. to convince Lindsay to stay home some nights. The actress is filming “The Best Time of Our Lives” with Keira Knightley for the next five weeks – and then, friends hope “she will really get serious about getting sober. And drop out of the limelight for a while.”

It would be good for Lindsay if she dropped out of the limelight for a while. It would be really good for us if she dropped about six feet, because it gets tiring trying to think of new ways to make fun of this skank every day. I guess I should feel bad that she’s in AA, but she’d be the same even if she wasn’t drunk all the time. Take away all her money and she’d be living under a bridge in L.A., calling her mom from a pay phone and hanging up really fast when she answered.

Lindsay Lohan at the GQ Man of the Year Awards:

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Lindsay Lohan was spotted yesterday at 7:30 a.m. leaving an AA meeting near her apartment. A friend confirms she is trying to get sober: She has attended several meetings and…
Britney Spears Did it AGAIN Last Night By todd November 29, 2006
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If you went to bed last night thinking it couldn’t get any worse for Britney Spears, welcome to today. It has. For the THIRD time this week, Britney Spears has gotten out of a car with a super short dress and no panties, this time at a Santa Monica gas station late last night. By next week, she’ll just open her door then pull her knees to her ears. Christ, if you’re a Britney fan, this week must feel like Armageddon.

Note: She really wasn’t wearing underwear.

Tags: upskirt, vagina, crotch, beaver, britney spears, britney, spears

If you went to bed last night thinking it couldn’t get any worse for Britney Spears, welcome to today. It has. For the THIRD time this week, Britney Spears has…
Lindsay Lohan is Discreet By todd November 29, 2006
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If I gave you three guesses as to which actress was photographed carrying diamond studded gold handcuffs out of a store, and you immediately didn’t say “uh, Lindsay Lohan?”, I’d punch you. Of course it’s going to be Lindsay. It was a ten foot walk to her car yet she managed about 42 poses. People who buy these things usually don’t want everyone to know they just bought them, but not our Lindsay. She’d put on antlers and have sex with a bear if she thought someone would point a camera at her.

If I gave you three guesses as to which actress was photographed carrying diamond studded gold handcuffs out of a store, and you immediately didn’t say “uh, Lindsay Lohan?”, I’d…
Snoop Dogg is Predictable. Again. By todd November 29, 2006

Snoop Dogg was arrested for the second time in less than two months at approximately 7:30pm last night outside NBC Studios after performing on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” Gee, I wonder why?

Police say they found the rapper in possession of cocaine, a firearm and a large amount of marijuana. He was also cited for allegedly having a false compartment in his vehicle…Law enforcement officials tell TMZ the search warrant was conducted as part of an ongoing investigation into the Dogg’s arrest earlier this month at the Burbank Airport…”

It sure would be great if a rapper would get arrested for something other than a bag of weed and a gun. Like in a make believe world where DMX got pulled over and the cops found plutonium and his plans to his secret underground lair. Man, how did he build it under a volcano? That DMX is a genius!!

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Snoop Dogg was arrested for the second time in less than two months at approximately 7:30pm last night outside NBC Studios after performing on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”…
Your Link Gonna See Me Through By jenny November 29, 2006

Is Kid Rock Mister Mom? [Dlisted] Lindsay can’t play with Paris anymore [Hollywood Rag] Scarlett Johansson is smoking [Egotastic] Hilary Duff got her chompers fixed [Hollywood Tuna] Madonna‘s adoption is…
Kevin Federline Cheated With a Porn Star By todd November 29, 2006
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Reports are now surfacing that there was an actual reason that Britney filed for divorce from K-Fed. He was banging former porn star, Kendra Jade, for over a month. A source says:

Kev and Kendra had sex at their friends’ apartment multiple times, starting in early October…Their friend would phone Kendra and a few other girls to come hang out, and it would always end up with Kevin and Kendra heading off to the spare bedroom!”

A week ago, my hatred for this idiot would have overtaken me if I had heard this. Now, after seeing every part of his wife that I didn’t want to see, I can’t say I blame the dude. I’m surprised he wasn’t having sex with a donkey. His wife is a millionaire but looks like she entertains clients in a truck stop bathroom. At this point, I hope he takes her kids and every dime she has. Britney could start a religion and get burned alive by the FBI and she would seem less crazy than she does right now.

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Update: Bill was cool enough to send us this picture of Kendra Jade on stage wearing a “Spear Britney” shirt. Even though “harpoon” is more fitting than “spear” at this point, it’s still a great picture. Thanks, Bill!

Reports are now surfacing that there was an actual reason that Britney filed for divorce from K-Fed. He was banging former porn star, Kendra Jade, for over a month. A…
Cameron Diaz Finally Got Her Schnoz Fixed By jenny November 29, 2006
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Cameron Diaz has been walking around with a new nose. She finally had it done claiming it was because she hadn’t been able to breathe through it properly after she broke it while surfing in Hawaii. Which, of course, would be a great excuse if we didn’t know she’s always had a big man-honker. Meanwhile, she’s still infatuated with herself.

Cameron told Britain’s OK! magazine: “I don’t know if I do anything to annoy Justin. Nothing. I’m perfect. That’s probably what drives him crazy!”

You know what else would be perfect? If her plastic surgeon’s knife slipped and sliced off her head. I don’t think they make trash bags big enough to contain her Joker-mouth and her ego, but I’ll be more than happy to make a custom sized bag just for her. I’ll also make it sound proof in case she’s still able to giggle and babble incessantly even after she’s been decapitated. Then I’m going to buy a big, giant goal post and a big, giant extension for my foot so I can kick a big, giant field goal with her big, giant face. And it’ll be worth six points instead of three because it’s twice as awesome. Oh, one can only dream…

Here she is trying to hide her clear bandage and black eye on Nov. 21:

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Cameron Diaz has been walking around with a new nose. She finally had it done claiming it was because she hadn’t been able to breathe through it properly after she…
Rachel Zoe is a Good Guess By todd November 28, 2006
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On a new blog entry posted this morning on Nicole Richie’s MySpace, she has written a not-so-blind item targeting her one time stylist and friend, Rachel Zoe:

X-RAY
BLIND ITEM:
What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup…”

Ouch. Addition and spell check aside, Nicole Richie makes a good point. Rachel Zoe is a 44 year old stylist who is rumored to supply her clients (Richie, Lohan, Mischa Barton, Paris Hilton, Keira Knightley, etc.) with illegal narcotics and an unhealthy body image. She may also be the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen. Honestly, she’s hideous. Zombies wouldn’t have the appetite to bite through her forehead. If I saw Rachel Zoe walking down the street I wouldn’t know whether to stake her through the heart or ask her if my belt matches my shoes.

Note: Nicole removed her blog entry since then, but TMZ also has the transcript.

On a new blog entry posted this morning on Nicole Richie’s MySpace, she has written a not-so-blind item targeting her one time stylist and friend, Rachel Zoe: X-RAYBLIND ITEM:What 35…
Britney Spears is Photogenic By todd November 28, 2006

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Well, all I can say is that if you’ve ever wanted to be Britney’s gynecologist, here’s some stuff to help you study for the test. Britney has finally flashed everything. This photographer needs some type of award named after him, because either Britney just sat there with her legs spread for ten minutes or the photographer bent space and time to know exactly where to point his camera. It’s Britney, so I’m going to have to say the first one, because it’s hard to be the “stupid one” in a car with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Britney has managed to do that in two weeks. If Britney was any dumber she’d be wearing a helmet and sucking her thumb.

As you know, these pictures are very, very, very NSFW:

Tags: upskirt, vagina, crotch, beaver, britney spears, britney, spears

Update: Britney’s other head is shaved bald too.

Well, all I can say is that if you’ve ever wanted to be Britney’s gynecologist, here’s some stuff to help you study for the test. Britney has finally flashed everything….