Eva Longoria is a Slut

Several news sources reported last week that Eva Longoria and her boyfriend of two years, Spurs’ point guard Tony Parker, had split because the couple was “going through a difficult time.” Now we know why:

Longoria was “two-timing” Parker with “Dancing with the Stars” hunk Mario Lopez, according to Us magazine…But now, according to Us, Longoria is “filled with regret and has called it quits with Lopez. Tony and Eva are talking and trying to work it out.”

I’m not really sure what there is to work out. Eva Longoria’s vagina is like that thing that Jabba the Hutt tried to throw Luke in. It’s always open and it’s always hungry. Instead of a condom, Tony Parker probably has to use a boxing glove.

More of Longoria at the Ken Paves salon opening:

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