Paris and Nicky Hilton are Idiots By todd October 31, 2006
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Paris and Nicky Hilton were invited to the annual Halloween party at the Playboy mansion so prepare yourself, you’ll be totally shocked about how they acted. Page Six reports:

Paris did her usual routine, dancing on a table and lip-syncing as her single, “Stars Are Blind,” played. “The reaction is now always the same – her posse of sycophants surrounds her, cheering her, as most people groan,” said our witness. “This is really getting old.” Nicky provided her own show on the dance floor, “being bent over backwards against the stage by a height-challenged young man as she wrapped a leg around his hip and they played tonsil hockey. She later spent an hour crawling under the tables (apparently) looking for a lost purse. When upright, she was stumbling all over . . . as she was fondled everywhere but the bottoms of her feet by the little ‘dance’ partner . . . She is handling her breakup with Kevin Connelly in a very mature and sophisticated manner – not!”

Oh my God, the Hilton sisters showed up somewhere and acted like drunk whores! Yeah, right, dude. You expect me to believe that? What’s next? You’re going to tell me the Earth is round and that women can vote? Yeah, just like when you said Darth Vader isn’t writing me back because he isn’t real. Nice try, my friend. Nice try.

Paris on October 28th:

Paris and Nicky Hilton were invited to the annual Halloween party at the Playboy mansion so prepare yourself, you’ll be totally shocked about how they acted. Page Six reports: Paris…
Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe are Done By jenny October 31, 2006
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After seven years of marriage, most of which were rumored to be rocky, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. Their reps issued a joint statement which read as follows:

We are saddened to announce that Reese and Ryan have decided to formally separate,” their publicists said in a joint statement. “They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.”

They didn’t mention who did the dumping here, but I’m going to assume it’s Reese. It’s hard to say when Reese finally called it quits, but I’m guessing it was right around the seven or eight hundredth time Ryan called Lance Bass a “hottie” and doodled things like “Ryan Gyllenhaal,” “Ryan Phillippe-Gyllenhaal” and “Jake Phillippe” with little hearts around it on the notepad next to the phone.

Pretending to be together at the Flags of Our Fathers premiere on October 16th:

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After seven years of marriage, most of which were rumored to be rocky, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. Their reps issued a joint statement which read as follows:…
Chris Klein is Still Useless By jenny October 31, 2006

It looks like Chris Klein went all out and cruised his neighborhood Walgreens drug store to find this costume. This is only funny if he walked in to the Halloween party and shouted, “Eat me!” And that’s only funny if somebody kicked his dumb ass afterward. Bonus points if it was a girl who kicked his ass. Double bonus points if that girl was Tom Cruise.

It looks like Chris Klein went all out and cruised his neighborhood Walgreens drug store to find this costume. This is only funny if he walked in to the Halloween…
Katie Holmes is Making Friends By jenny October 31, 2006
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Katie Holmes found a new “BFF” in, of all people, Brooke Shields. The same Brooke Shields who was very publicly insulted by Katie’s fiance, Tom Cruise, on the Today show. The same Brooke Shields who accepted an invitation to have a private meeting with Tom Cruise after he was very publicly kicked to the curb by Paramount Pictures. The same Brooke Shields who subsequently told the world Tom is really sorry and she forgives him.

Dressing as Brooke Shields circa 1980, The Blue Lagoon years this Halloween is a good idea and all, but a much warmer and up to date costume would be the 2006 Brooke Shields. All you need are some eyebrows, a cache of vitamins, a straight jacket and a tinfoil hat. And there you go. They don’t not call me Martha Stewart for nothing, people.

Katie Holmes found a new “BFF” in, of all people, Brooke Shields. The same Brooke Shields who was very publicly insulted by Katie’s fiance, Tom Cruise, on the Today show….
Linker By jenny October 31, 2006

K-Fed wants to go to Africa [Hollywood Rag] Pamela Anderson is a nightmare [Dlisted] Jessica Simpson is fugly [Hollywood Tuna] Celebrity witches and warlocks [City Rag] Anna Nicole Smith now…
Lindsay Lohan Wishes You a Peaceful Halloween By jenny October 31, 2006
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Leggings/tights … check. Washed out cokewhore makeup … check. Tacky accessories … check. Stupid peace sign … check. Something tight on the crotch to accentuate the labia … check. Trying too hard with the ode to the 80s flashback clothes so she can draw the attention of the 30 and over crowd even though most of us are pissed off people like her are trying to bring this ugly crap we wore then and hate now back in style … check.

Lindsay, this doesn’t count as a costume. This is the kind of shit you wear every day. And regarding that key around your neck. Please, spare me. Nobody needs a key to get in a vagina which has a flashing neon sign that reads, “Open 24 Hours! Loose Slots!” That’s not even clever, Lindsay. At least Paris Hilton’s insinuates she reads books with her “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here” sign.

Leggings/tights … check. Washed out cokewhore makeup … check. Tacky accessories … check. Stupid peace sign … check. Something tight on the crotch to accentuate the labia … check. Trying…
Mariah Carey Gets Cancelled By todd October 27, 2006
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Citing low tickets sales and Mariah’s outrageous demands, the event promotion company, One Events, has cancelled a Mariah Carey concert that was scheduled for tomorrow in Hong Kong. One Event said:

We have decided to cancel the event … due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last-minute demands which we find wholly unreasonable.”

According to a music industry source, although the ticket sales were disappointing, the only reason the concert was canceled was because Mariah was being a diva bitch:

She was making demands like Streisand. She wanted special spring water, furniture, lighting and armed escorts. They told her: ‘This is Hong Kong, not the U.S.,’ and she said: ‘I am not going on.’ So they said: ‘Fine.’”

Look honey, this isn’t 1996. Nobody cares that you have an eight octave range now that you’ve gained 200 pounds. I’m sure the rice farmer that saved for six months so he could see you waddle around on stage for an hour will be glad to hear that you won’t be performing because you couldn’t get the right kind of barbecue sauce for your doughnuts.

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Citing low tickets sales and Mariah’s outrageous demands, the event promotion company, One Events, has cancelled a Mariah Carey concert that was scheduled for tomorrow in Hong Kong. One Event…
And Everywhere I Link… By jenny October 27, 2006

Brad Pitt has a hungry butt [Hollywood Rag] Carmen Electra looks spent [Hollywood Tuna] The Chupacabra is attacking Anne Hathaway! [D Listed] Janice Dickinson is Steven Tyler [City Rag] Kate…
Kelly Clarkson is Still “Healthy” By todd October 27, 2006
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Kelly Clarkson was a scheduled performer at the coincidentally named “CMT Giants” show last night honoring Reba McEntire. And I don’t know what she’s doing, but I really need to get in touch with her personal trainer. I bet she has to take only one break after climbing just one flight of stairs. My god, just look at those toned arms. I bet she has no problems lifting the remote or scooping ice cream. Kelly stop being so selfish. Tell us your beauty secrets!

Kelly Clarkson was a scheduled performer at the coincidentally named “CMT Giants” show last night honoring Reba McEntire. And I don’t know what she’s doing, but I really need to…
Snoop Dogg is Predictable By todd October 27, 2006
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Snoop Dogg (a.k.a. Calvin Broadus) was arrested at 3:45 yesterday afternoon at California’s Bob Hope Airport for illegal drug and gun possession. Police found marijuana and a gun in the rapper’s vehicle while it was being searched as a result of a vehicle code violation. Snoop Dogg posted $35,000 bail and is scheduled to appear in court on December 12. In a brief statement, his attorney, Donald Etra, said:

There was no basis for this arrest. We believe that once this is cleared up, all charges will be dismissed.”

He’s right, this must be some kind of misunderstanding, because you’d never expect to find marijuana and loaded weapons in a rapper’s car. Especially not from one who talks about getting high and shooting people. Maybe overdue library books or those community watch fliers he was going to hand out later, but never anything illegal. This is obviously some sort of mix up. The judge better clean up those officers’ mess real soon, or the rap world’s reputation might never be able to recover from this.

Here’s Grace Park because I assumed Snoop Dogg would be into her:

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Snoop Dogg (a.k.a. Calvin Broadus) was arrested at 3:45 yesterday afternoon at California’s Bob Hope Airport for illegal drug and gun possession. Police found marijuana and a gun in the…