Avril Lavigne Needs Her Ass Kicked By todd September 29, 2006
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For the second time in two days, TMZ has a video of Avril Lavigne leaving the L.A. club, Hyde, and spitting on people. On Tuesday night, she spit in the lens of a camera while tucked away safely in her SUV. However, on Wednesday night, it was much worse:

After celebrating her 22nd birthday at Hyde, the wannabe punk-rocker unleashed a torrent of “fuck yous” to the paparazzi and autograph seekers, even signing the pleasant greeting on some pictures. Avril and her entourage then made their way to the safety of their SUV…Moments later, she displayed her masterful sharpspitting skills by hitting one photographer in the face while laughing hysterically and screaming, “bitch!”

I decided to skip this story on Wednesday, because I thought she was just drunk and you couldn’t really see anything in the video, but then the crazy bitch goes and does it the very next night. Luckily, this time, you can see everything. So after watching this video, I’m gonna go ahead and preface this by saying that violence against women is wrong (especially when there are witnesses), but if this photographer would’ve kicked her teeth in right after he was spit on, it would’ve really been hard to feel sorry for her. If she keeps doing this, some kids are going to find her in a ditch wrapped in a tarp. Seriously, she’s a little 100 pound white chick. The only reason she should be spitting is if she ran out of lube.

Wednesday night: Click here to watch the video.

Tuesday night: Click here to watch the video.

Oh, and by the way, spitting on a person is considered a form of battery and is prosecutable by law.

Avril at the Diesel Union Square Re-Launch Store Party on September 13th:

For the second time in two days, TMZ has a video of Avril Lavigne leaving the L.A. club, Hyde, and spitting on people. On Tuesday night, she spit in the…
Lindsay Lohan Hasn’t Called By todd September 29, 2006
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According to the limousine driver who found Lindsay Lohan’s missing Hermes bag that was stuffed with $1 million worth of jewelry and her “asthma medicine” at Heathrow Airport earlier this month, he has not received the reward or the thank you note from Lindsay or her representatives that he was promised. The driver, Thomas Webster, says:

They haven’t gotten back to me. Not a word. She seems like a nice girl and she was pleased to get the bag back – it was full of diamonds and bracelets and necklaces. But it’s really disappointing. I’d like to hear from her with maybe just a ‘thanks very much.’ Her people took my address and phone number and said they’d be in touch. I know these stars need a good looking-after, but she could have easily just spoke to me on the phone.”

Lindsay’s publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, who was recently fired by Britney Spears, seems really concerned about guy who found and returned $1 million that her client was stupid enough to lose.

I will look into that matter, but I wonder why they’d call a newspaper and not just call me. I think they obviously want free publicity using Lindsay’s name.”

Well, of course, because it’s obviously an evil plot to drag Lindsay Lohan’s good name through the mud. We all know that when she’s not reading the Bible to the sick and the elderly, she’s building houses for the poor. There’s only one Lindsay people, she can’t help the whole world. Yet for all the goodness and sunshine she brings to the world, people still continue to persecute her and fabricrate vicious lies about her. The world can be so cruel.

Lindsay at the Marie Antoinette Special Screening on September 26th:

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According to the limousine driver who found Lindsay Lohan’s missing Hermes bag that was stuffed with $1 million worth of jewelry and her “asthma medicine” at Heathrow Airport earlier this…
Beyonce Shouldn’t Have Won By todd September 29, 2006

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In a recent poll held by In Touch Weekly, readers voted Beyonce Knowles’ butt as “Hollywood’s Best Booty.” The top ten were:

1. Beyonce Knowles 2. Jessica Simpson 3. Salma Hayek 4. Jessica Biel 5. Halle Berry 6. Tyra Banks 7. Scarlett Johanssen 8. Jennifer Lopez 9. Eva Longoria 10. Jessica Alba”

The fact that Beyonce and Jessica Simpson are #1 and #2 on this list, is really all you need to know about the people who took this poll. Because what kind of wormhole do you go through to think that these two have better asses than Jessica Biel or Jessica Alba? Sure, if I was a scout for the Chicago Bears or if this poll was for the best hair weave, I’d definitely put Beyonce at #1, but you’re seriously gonna sit here and tell that me she has the best butt in Hollywood? The only way she could win is if she and Jessica Simpson were your only two choices. Even then, Beyonce would only win by default, because she technically has an ass. If Jessica Simpson would’ve been born in 15th century Spain, her ass would have been used as a map.

Your winners:

Your losers:

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In a recent poll held by In Touch Weekly, readers voted Beyonce Knowles’ butt as “Hollywood’s Best Booty.” The top ten were: 1. Beyonce Knowles 2. Jessica Simpson 3. Salma…
Jessica Simpson is a Wreck By todd September 28, 2006
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Apparently there is a downside to being an overexposed, spoiled brat. Jessica Simpson threw a hissy fit after Ashlee’s “Chicago” debut. Page Six reports:

During the after-party for her sister Ashlee’s London debut in “Chicago,” Simpson stormed out of the Sound Bar shouting, “I don’t want to be here – why won’t people just leave me alone?” Later, her dad Joe told the Mirror, “Jess is quite down at the moment. She’s not comfortable talking to people as she’s quite depressed and we’re walking on eggshells. Meanwhile, at a recent shoot for a Direct TV commercial, Simpson kept everyone waiting for over an hour – due to a stomach bug, spies say. Her mane-man, hairdresser and constant companion Ken Paves, was overheard telling people, “Well, what do you want her to do? [Bleep] her pants?”

Poor Jessica. It must suck being generationally wealthy at 26. Those damn selfish migrant workers don’t know how good they have it, Jessica is the victim here. She must cry herself to sleep every night worrying about whether or not she should wake up at noon. She must live in constant fear of answering the phone, knowing at any time, it could be another company offering her millions to push her tits up next to their product. That’s no way to live, man. Seriously, if I were Jessica, I’d kill myself. No wait, I’d kill my dad then kill myself. No, no, no, I’d dress up like Jessica Simpson kill her dad, have sex with her sister, then kill her. Yeah, yeah, that one.

Ashlee Simpson with the Hamburglar at London’s Met Bar Sept 22nd:

Apparently there is a downside to being an overexposed, spoiled brat. Jessica Simpson threw a hissy fit after Ashlee’s “Chicago” debut. Page Six reports: During the after-party for her sister…
Naomi Campbell Might Get Arrested By todd September 28, 2006
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After she failed to appear in court yesterday to answer charges of assaulting her housekeeper with a cell phone, Judge James Gibbons of the Manhattan Criminal Court said he would issue a warrant for Naomi Campbell’s arrest if she does not appear at her next court date, November 15th. Campbell’s lawyer, David Breitbart, says his client was a no-show because of the hordes of press outside the courthouse. Gibbons was not sympathetic.

She is absolutely obligated to appear at the next court date or the law will go into effect. A bench warrant will be issued.”

Nothing would make me happier than seeing this psycho thrown in jail. She wouldn’t last five minutes. Which is more time than she should have lasted as a model. I’m not an expert on models, but aren’t supermodels supposed to be hot? Because Naomi looks like something Captain Kirk would’ve fucked on Star Trek.

Most of these are NSFW:

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After she failed to appear in court yesterday to answer charges of assaulting her housekeeper with a cell phone, Judge James Gibbons of the Manhattan Criminal Court said he would…
Monica Bellucci is Pretty By todd September 28, 2006
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If her Helmut Newton photoshoot is your first introduction to the awesomeness that is Monica Bellucci, I apologize. She’s usually naked. Naked all the time. That’s pretty much the only reason to watch foreign movies. Two hours of watching effeminate men talk about their art and their feelings, isn’t so bad when you know some chick will eventually have her rack hanging out. No wonder the French army carries white flags instead of guns. It’s pretty hard to learn to fight when you’re masturbating.

One of these is NSFW:

If her Helmut Newton photoshoot is your first introduction to the awesomeness that is Monica Bellucci, I apologize. She’s usually naked. Naked all the time. That’s pretty much the only…
This Thing is Begging For a Caption By jenny September 28, 2006

It’s time again for your your chance to win an “Omni” chair by Sumo Urban Lounge Gear in the color of your choice. Sumo wants to give you a free chair and your job is to come up with the funniest caption for that hideous Jessica Simpson picture up there.

The trick is to keep your caption short, sweet and funny. You have until tomorrow, Friday, September 29, 2006 at 3:00 p.m. Pacific, to email your entry to IDontLikeYouInThatWay@Gmail.com. No entries will be considered after that time. Please only one entry per person. A winner will be announced on IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com and via email no later than Monday, October 2, 2006.

Good luck, bitches!

Thanks to Sumo Urban Lounge Gear for their continued support!

It’s time again for your your chance to win an “Omni” chair by Sumo Urban Lounge Gear in the color of your choice. Sumo wants to give you a free…
I Like the Way You Link It By jenny September 28, 2006

Daniel Smith died from a deadly drug combo [Hollywood Rag] Anna Nicole marries Howard K. Stern [A Socialite's Life] Hilary Duff defends plastic surgery [Hollywood Tuna] Natalie Portman‘s nip slip…
Victoria Beckham is Stiff By todd September 28, 2006
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At this point I’m not even sure if there are any original parts left on Victoria Beckham. She doesn’t even look human anymore. Her ate up face is almost as bad as those things that are supposed to be her boobs. I mean, did her plastic surgeon have hooks for hands? That has to be his only excuse. Look, God and I hold a special place for tiny brunettes with huge boobs, but Jesus. She looks like a damn android. An android who can only seem to dress like a prostitute. Which might not be all that bad if the androids came in something other than leather.

At this point I’m not even sure if there are any original parts left on Victoria Beckham. She doesn’t even look human anymore. Her ate up face is almost as…
Screech is Almost a Porn Star By todd September 27, 2006

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David Hans Schmidt, a Phoenix-based agent, is shopping a 40-minute sex tape to various distributors that features Dustin Diamond engaging in a three way with two women. “Saved By The Smell,” the working title of the video, is reportedly graphic and includes “some bodily functions and an act known as a ‘Dirty Sanchez’.” Roger Paul, Diamond’s manager says:

I haven’t seen the tape. I’ve heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings.”

I’m not sure what level of daddy or abandonment issues a woman has to walk around with in order to let Screech rub feces on her face, but we’d be safe in assuming that both of these girls have compared cut marks.

The only reason to watch Saved By The Bell (NSFW):

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David Hans Schmidt, a Phoenix-based agent, is shopping a 40-minute sex tape to various distributors that features Dustin Diamond engaging in a three way with two women. “Saved By The…