Suri Cruise is Alive. On Paper.

TMZ has obtained a copy of Suri Cruise’s birth certificate, which was filed on May 8, 2006 with the Los Angeles County Register-Recorder/County Clerk. This is interesting because St. John’s Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth, but Suri’s wasn’t signed until 20 days after her “birth.” Also, Anne Heffernan, the “Attendant or Certifier” who signed the certificate, was not present at delivery and has never seen the baby.

I guess this is a good sign, because hospitals have a strict policy about granting birth certificates to just humans, but something just doesn’t seem right here. Suri could grow up, go to kindergarten, look perfectly normal but every time she got a bad grade I’d fully expect her to say, “My master will kill you for this. Not fast, but oh so slowly.”

And here’s Stacy Keibler because she’s not Tom Cruise:

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