Lindsay Lohan Has Too Many Bikinis

Here’s Lindsay Lohan celebrating her birthday over the July 4th holiday by doing her best to accumulate a couple billion more freckles. When I was a kid, my mom said those freckles on my nose and cheeks were called “sun kisses,” but I think in Lindsay’s case it got more violent and she was “pimp slapped” by the sun … which is understandable. Anyone who can’t decide from month to month what size implants she wants to have or whether or not to eat before she snorts the next line probably needs a little slapping around to help make up her mind. At least that’s what my pimp always tells me and he just told me to write that he’s always right.