While most girls are content to just lay out and drink free beer whenever they’re at the beach, Jessica Biel feels the need to play football and run around with her dogs. So, basically, she’s exercising. Like she does in every damn picture she takes. If I didn’t get the feeling she was cross training for her debut on the Ultimate Fighting Championship or I wasn’t distracted by her ridiculous hat, I’d normally walk up to her and ask her to show me where God autographed her ass, but I’d be afraid she would punch me in the stomach and call me a pussy. Then I would say, “I am what I eat,” and she would just laugh and take me on a piggy back ride.