Playboy Wants Ashlee Simpson By todd June 28, 2006
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Ashlee Simpson’s publicist has confirmed that the singer(?) was offered $4 million to pose in Playboy, but says she has turned it down. In Touch Weekly, who first reported the offer, claimed that Ashlee was considering going nude in the legendary men’s magazine.

You’d have to flip a few pages to find Ashlee Simpson’s name on the list of chicks I want to see in Playboy, but in the end, it’s a girl posing naked in Playboy. When it comes down to it, that’s all dudes’ lives revolve around. Seeing a chick naked or trying to get a chick naked. Even if that girl is recovering fug Ashlee Simpson. So if she wants to prove to us that she has any has redeemable qualities whatsoever, she might as well show us what’s going on from the neck down, because everything else has been pretty much tapped out.

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Ashlee Simpson’s publicist has confirmed that the singer(?) was offered $4 million to pose in Playboy, but says she has turned it down. In Touch Weekly, who first reported the…
This Looks Nothing Like Britney Spears, Part Deux By jenny June 28, 2006

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In typical, always unoriginal Britney Spears fashion, she’s copying other people’s style changes and publicity stunts again. Rather than choosing something Madonna already did, this time she chose something Demi Moore already did.

Since these photos obviously have a really overwhelming case of Photoshop-itis, I felt it was important to remind people just how positively stunning she is without all that pesky digital retouching. See, I prefer candid Britney. The one covered in Cheeto dust and zit cream. The one who picks her ass and doesn’t wash or comb her hair for months. The one whose next photo spread will more likely be in Hustler than Harpers. This is the Britney I know and love, my friends.

In typical, always unoriginal Britney Spears fashion, she’s copying other people’s style changes and publicity stunts again. Rather than choosing something Madonna already did, this time she chose something Demi…
All Linked Up By jenny June 28, 2006

  • Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie out whoring together [Hollywood Rag]
  • Heather Locklear and David Spade are still serious [Just Jared]
  • Naomi Campbell may be saved by a plea deal [A Socialite's Life]
  • Woody Allen is intimidated by Scarlett Johansson [Egotastic]
  • Reese Witherspoon is sharp and pointy [City Rag]
  • Mena Suvari pumps it [Hollywood Tuna]
  • Star Jones gets the boot [Popsugar]
  • Vivica Fox is beginning to look like Jessica Simpson [D Listed]
  • Intensely terrifying Folgers commerical [College Humor]
  • Wavering From Such Great Heights (Superman Returns) [Pajiba]

Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie out whoring together [Hollywood Rag] Heather Locklear and David Spade are still serious [Just Jared] Naomi Campbell may be saved by a plea deal [A…
Jodie Marsh is Subtle By todd June 28, 2006
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Page 3 girl, Jodie Marsh, showed up at the UK premiere of Just My Luck today and showed us why you should never start a new family with the cute waitress at Red Lobster.

Page 3 girl, Jodie Marsh, showed up at the UK premiere of Just My Luck today and showed us why you should never start a new family with the cute…
Lindsay Lohan is Busy By todd June 27, 2006
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Nate Newell, a Los Angeles fashion stylist who Lindsay Lohan hired to keep her company in New York while she promoted A Prairie Home Companion, begged for money from his friends so he could flee back to L.A. after just three days.

Nate couldn’t take her constant partying. He didn’t have the money to fly home, so concerned friends chipped in to buy him an immediate ticket out of there. Lohan was said to be so upset to have been ditched that she text-messaged some friends: “[Newell] is dead to me.” She was also saying that Newell owes her for his portion of the hotel room, plane ticket and other expenses… Lohan’s tireless publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, balked at any suggestion that Lohan’s hard partying caused a rift. “Please,” said Zelnick. “Nate came to accompany her to New York on her press tour. He had a great time . . .There was no drama whatsoever.”

Lindsay publicist is also currently denying claims from Harry Judd, drummer for the British pop band, McFly, that he had sex with Lindsay after she invited him to her hotel room. Their new single, Please, Please, Lindsay, Please!, is rumored to be about his fling with Lohan.

“Then she said, ‘Kiss me.’ I was really nervous, I can tell you, because she’s so super successful and talented. I thought, ‘This is awesome…Then she invited me back to her hotel, I left at eight the next morning.’”

There comes a time when you have to start believing everything you hear about a person even if you don’t know them. If a hundred different people told you that I drown puppies, chances are you wouldn’t buy me one for my birthday. It’s hard to argue with stats like that. Just like it’s hard to argue that Lindsay Lohan is a drunken hussy who has sex with everyone she meets, because basically that’s every story you hear. If Lindsay’s publicist comes out tomorrow denying a story that Lindsay invented a time machine just so she could go back in time to blow every guy who has ever lived, you’ll know why your grandpa is still on penicillin.

Lindsay on June 20th:

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Nate Newell, a Los Angeles fashion stylist who Lindsay Lohan hired to keep her company in New York while she promoted A Prairie Home Companion, begged for money from his…
Tom Cruise Doesn’t Count By todd June 27, 2006

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Despite divorcing Tom Cruise in 2001 after being married to him for 10 years, many people are wondering exactly how Kidman was allowed to marry Keith Urban in a Catholic ceremony over the weekend. The Catholic church does not condone divorce, but according to them, Kidman’s marriage to Cruise never happened. Why? Their wedding was performed by the Church of Scientology and therefore was not recognized by the Catholic faith.

The Catholic Church sets down requirements to have a valid Catholic marriage. In the case of Nicole’s first marriage, those requirements were not fulfilled,” said Father Coleman, who married Kidman and Urban.

Well, of course it wasn’t recognized. It’s Scientology. You’d have an easier time getting a Catholic marriage license if you got divorced after being married by a donkey at Chuck E. Cheese.

Kidman and Urban on their wedding day, June 25th:

Kidman and Urban at the Sydney airport on June 26th:

Kidman and Urban arriving in Tahiti for their honeymoon, June 26th:

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Despite divorcing Tom Cruise in 2001 after being married to him for 10 years, many people are wondering exactly how Kidman was allowed to marry Keith Urban in a Catholic…
Selma Blair and Diddy at the Beach By todd June 27, 2006
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If you took one of those things that spins the lottery balls around, and instead of numbers you wrote the names of celebrities on the balls, you’d have better odds pulling out Diddy and Selma Blair at the same time than you would have spotting them on the beach together, but for some reason here they are. Selma Blair looks pretty much what I expected Selma Blair to look like in a bikini, but Diddy looks like every other black guy I see at the beach. Look man, we’re at the beach. It’s okay to dress like it. You can even leave your socks on if you want.

Diddy and Kim Porter on the same day:

If you took one of those things that spins the lottery balls around, and instead of numbers you wrote the names of celebrities on the balls, you’d have better odds…
Don’t Lose Naomi Campbell’s Designer Jeans By jenny June 27, 2006

Naomi Campbell is being sued again for assaulting yet another employee. This time the employee filed a civil suit yesterday accusing Campbell of personal injury, employment discrimination, civil assault and battery.

The maid, Gaby Gibson, told the New York Post in April that Campbell whacked her in the back of the head when she was unable to find a pair of black designer jeans. “She said it was to teach me a lesson,” Gibson told the tabloid, which said Gibson worked in Campbell’s Park Avenue in Manhattan apartment for three months.”

Anyone who’s worked for Naomi Campbell and wasn’t assaulted by her should take offense. It would seem as though this is a normal sort of greeting or term of endearment from Naomi – like kissing each cheek and calling you ‘dahling’ or ‘sweetums’. If you worked for Naomi and when she kicked your ass she didn’t draw blood, you should feel more insulted because Naomi didn’t even care enough about you to properly injure you. So remember, if you ever meet Naomi Campbell, don’t insult her with a ‘hello’ and a handshake. She likes it rough. A swift uppercut to her chin or a shiv to her gut is more polite in this circumstance. They don’t call me the “Goddess of Etiquette” for nothing, you know.

Yes, I’ve used these (NSFW) pictures before, but you’ll get over it.

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Naomi Campbell is being sued again for assaulting yet another employee. This time the employee filed a civil suit yesterday accusing Campbell of personal injury, employment discrimination, civil assault and…
Oh, Bugger By jenny June 27, 2006
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest premiere was June 24th. Sorry, I couldn’t be there since at the time I was being booked for “stalking” and “indecent exposure” and all that. In my defense, Johnny Depp needed to know what he’s missing.

Anyway …

Here’s Keira Knightley looking lovely, feminine, classy, angelic, etc.:

Alyson Michalka – I didn’t know who she was before today and I’ll forget who she is as soon as I’m done publishing this:

Orlando Bloom – Lovely, feminine, classy, angelic, etc.:

Stacy Keibler – In these pictures, she’s saying she liked my great-grandmother’s tablecloth enough to wear it … and she likes it up the butt. If you didn’t get that, then I guess you’re not the body language expert I thought you were:

I lost all concentration when I got to the Johnny Depp pictures, and as such, am unable to continue with the “who was at the premiere” portion of this post. While Johnny Depp’s beauty and talent gets me every time, I’m pretty sure Marilyn Manson is the one who brought this post to a screeching halt. I can’t believe beautiful women have sex with him. And by that I mean, I can’t believe women are physically capable of having sex with that thing. No amount of lube in the world would make that possible for me. That last picture of Marilyn made me dry up and crumble to dust. It’s a wonder I was even able to type this seeing as how I have no hands, or organs, or blood, or anything like that anymore.

Click here for one of the trailers for Dead Man’s Chest in case you missed it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest premiere was June 24th. Sorry, I couldn’t be there since at the time I was being booked for “stalking” and “indecent exposure” and…
I Always Feel Link Somebody’s Watchin’ Me By jenny June 27, 2006

  • Keira Knightley shows off her nipples [Hollywood Tuna]
  • More gross Mischa Barton bikini fun [Hollywood Rag]
  • The View gets less lame by firing Star Jones [Popsugar]
  • How to kiss Jessica Alba [City Rag]
  • Sharon Stone is not Angelina Jolie [D Listed]
  • All hail Baby Kingston [Just Jared]
  • Madonna has “old lady hands” [A Socialite's Life]
  • Paris Hilton has half a glove and half a brain [Egotastic]
  • Who likes slightly deranged, mildly inappropriate analogies? (Click) [Pajiba]
  • Hint: it is not a banana in a top hat masturbating. [College Humor]
  • Jessica Biel is working out again [the bastardly]
  • Gwyneth Paltrow is now even more superior to you [Molly Good]

Keira Knightley shows off her nipples [Hollywood Tuna] More gross Mischa Barton bikini fun [Hollywood Rag] The View gets less lame by firing Star Jones [Popsugar] How to kiss Jessica…