Oh, Bugger

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest premiere was June 24th. Sorry, I couldn’t be there since at the time I was being booked for “stalking” and “indecent exposure” and all that. In my defense, Johnny Depp needed to know what he’s missing.

Anyway …

Here’s Keira Knightley looking lovely, feminine, classy, angelic, etc.:

Alyson Michalka – I didn’t know who she was before today and I’ll forget who she is as soon as I’m done publishing this:

Orlando Bloom – Lovely, feminine, classy, angelic, etc.:

Stacy Keibler – In these pictures, she’s saying she liked my great-grandmother’s tablecloth enough to wear it … and she likes it up the butt. If you didn’t get that, then I guess you’re not the body language expert I thought you were:

I lost all concentration when I got to the Johnny Depp pictures, and as such, am unable to continue with the “who was at the premiere” portion of this post. While Johnny Depp’s beauty and talent gets me every time, I’m pretty sure Marilyn Manson is the one who brought this post to a screeching halt. I can’t believe beautiful women have sex with him. And by that I mean, I can’t believe women are physically capable of having sex with that thing. No amount of lube in the world would make that possible for me. That last picture of Marilyn made me dry up and crumble to dust. It’s a wonder I was even able to type this seeing as how I have no hands, or organs, or blood, or anything like that anymore.

Click here for one of the trailers for Dead Man’s Chest in case you missed it.