Britney Spears Thinks It’s Malibu’s Fault

Britney Spears is reportedly leaving California to move back to her home state of Louisiana because she feels the Malibu lifestyle is not helping her already shaky marriage.

She wants to come home,” Harold Smith, mayor of Spears’ hometown, Kentwood, said, according to In Touch Weekly. “She’s building more rooms for her growing family. She wants a nursery and some kids’ rooms…Spears is spending $200,000 on Lynne Spears’ house and is also looking to buy a second abode so that hubby Kevin Federline can stay there if his mother-in-law gets on his nerves. “He likes Lynne but doesn’t like her getting involved in their relationship,” a source told the mag.”

I actually give Britney credit for making some sort of an attempt here, but the band on the Titanic had a more realistic shot at being saved that her marriage does. Look, moving 1,926 miles away won’t magically make your problems disappear. Your husband will still be a worthless wigger and you’ll still be the idiot who married him. So instead of crying because Kevin screwed a stripper over tempura and lobster at Nobu, you’ll be crying because Kevin screwed a stripper over onion rings and a Browne Earthquake at the truckstop Dairy Queen. Good work.

Britney allegedly claims US Weekly stole these happy family “candid” pictures of her from a while ago, which really means she had her hair and makeup professionally done that day and had someone take these candid photos so she could slip them under US Weekly’s door in an envelope marked “Candid Photos of Britney Spears’ Really Awesome, Happy Family.”

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