Courteney Cox’s Daughter is Awesome By jenny June 30, 2006

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Here’s another reason why we haven’t fully evolved from being monkeys. Our babies have that fun little way of latching on to any part of mommy, even if it means exposing her hidden parts to that creepy dude with the camera who’s hiding in the bushes. And who can blame baby Coco? She’s really no different than the guy on the Jumbotron who’s showing off his kick ass beer helmet. And all of this will come full circle if on the Jumbotron during the next Super Bowl, we see a monkey wearing a boobie helmet which dispenses beer and he’s holding two, hairy thumbs up. Yeah, I’m a scientist. Don’t question me.

One of these is NSFW. Guess which one.

Update: Here are the high-res versions (NSFW, natch):

Here’s another reason why we haven’t fully evolved from being monkeys. Our babies have that fun little way of latching on to any part of mommy, even if it means…
Robin Williams as The Joker? By todd June 30, 2006
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Robin Williams is desperate to reunite with director Christopher Nolan to take on the role of The Joker in the upcoming Batman Begins sequel. Casting rumors for the iconic villain have run rampant as Paul Bettany, Adrien Brody, Vincent Cassel, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Christopher Eccleston, Mark Hamill, Hugo Weaving, Adam Sandler and Sean Penn have all been linked to the project. Williams says:

On God, I’d love to do that one…You want to do a different Joker. You know, if they do ‘Arkham Asylum’, it would be amazing. ‘Arkham Asylum’ is one of the greatest, nastiest comic books ever. It’s like the Marquee de Sade on that level, and wonderfully damaged and quite tragic, in terms of when you realise [what happened to] create these characters.”

Despite what his name connotes, The Joker is a violent psychopath who should be on Zoloft. Good thing too, because Robin Williams hasn’t been funny since I’ve been born. Laughing at his jokes would be like laughing at a burning nursing home. Or a kitten under a tire. We get it, you can say random shit really fast and you can sound like John Wayne. I’d rather listen to Freddy Krueger read me a bedtime story than listen to Robin Williams do the same tired routine he’s been doing since 1910.

Christian Bale
was again cast as Bruce Wayne/Batman:

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Robin Williams is desperate to reunite with director Christopher Nolan to take on the role of The Joker in the upcoming Batman Begins sequel. Casting rumors for the iconic villain…
Jessica Biel is Back on the Market By todd June 30, 2006
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My insane crush on Jessica Biel has been consuming me for about two weeks now, so it’s no surprise that I find out today that she has split with her boyfriend, actor Chris Evans, after a little more than two years. No word on the official reason or who dumped who, but apparently my genie has a sense of humor because Evans has been spotted in New York City with PR executive Joyce Sevilla (this foxy lady). At least I think she’s a PR executive. Unless PR executives look like the lady who yelled at me yesterday for not using a clean plate at the Korean buffet, I really can’t say for sure. What I can say for sure is that Jessica is going to love the pictures I sent her. Sorry I couldn’t fit the whole thing in one picture, Jessica. That’s why the rest is on the second picture. Uh, huh. That’s right, baby.

I swear this is all this woman ever does:

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My insane crush on Jessica Biel has been consuming me for about two weeks now, so it’s no surprise that I find out today that she has split with her…
Billie Jean is Not My Linker By jenny June 30, 2006

Victoria Beckham‘s body inspires anorexics [Hollywood Rag] Does Britney Spears want to be Angelina Jolie? [Just Jared] Avril Lavigne is straight up punk drunk [Hollywood Tuna] Madonna and Lourdes to…
Freddie Prinze Jr. Will Crap in Your Trailer By todd June 30, 2006
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Freddie Prinze Jr. is reportedly proud of his reputation as Hollywood’s “number one prankster.” This sounds like a barrel of laughs until realize that “pranks” means pulling knives on women and taking dumps on people’s floor. Seriously. Prinze says:

Claire Forlani had watched a documentary on serial killers. So I dressed up as one of them – all in black with a T-shirt that I pulled over my eyes. “I knocked on her door with a kitchen knife. I apologised to her afterwards. Then there was the time Matt Lillard once thought it was funny if he defecated in my hotel room – and it was. It made me laugh, so I defecated in his trailer, and it made him laugh.”

I’m sure Sarah Michelle Gellar giggles with pride for hours on end with her girlfriends each time her hubby wipes his ass on someone’s dashboard or whenever he comes home maced. Imagine the poor P.A. on the set who has to worry about drinking piss or being set on fire because this guy thinks he’s Ashton Kutcher. I don’t know what insane lunacy passes for “fun” in Hollywood, but if I tried any of that crap with any of my friends, I’d be stuffed in a trunk and pushed off a bridge.

Sarah Michelle Gellar at a photocall for Southland Tales in Cannes on May 21:

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Freddie Prinze Jr. is reportedly proud of his reputation as Hollywood’s “number one prankster.” This sounds like a barrel of laughs until realize that “pranks” means pulling knives on women…
Pamela Anderson Gets Naked Again By todd June 29, 2006
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If you happened to be in London yesterday and you happened to walk by the window of Stella McCartney’s store, you probably saw Pamela Anderson strip for another one of PETA’s promotional campaigns. If this were 1993, the bottom of my desk would be taking a pounding right now, but since it’s not, these pictures are just depressing. Pam has an army of makeup artists and stylists yet she looks like she’s 60. The other two girls in the window have to be wondering who they missed in the round of handjobs to be second billing to grandma. And if slutty grandmas getting naked is PETA’s plan to get me to throw away my chinchilla fur track suit, they might want to go home and think about that a little bit more.

If you happened to be in London yesterday and you happened to walk by the window of Stella McCartney’s store, you probably saw Pamela Anderson strip for another one of…
Britney Spears Thinks It’s Malibu’s Fault By todd June 29, 2006
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Britney Spears is reportedly leaving California to move back to her home state of Louisiana because she feels the Malibu lifestyle is not helping her already shaky marriage.

She wants to come home,” Harold Smith, mayor of Spears’ hometown, Kentwood, said, according to In Touch Weekly. “She’s building more rooms for her growing family. She wants a nursery and some kids’ rooms…Spears is spending $200,000 on Lynne Spears’ house and is also looking to buy a second abode so that hubby Kevin Federline can stay there if his mother-in-law gets on his nerves. “He likes Lynne but doesn’t like her getting involved in their relationship,” a source told the mag.”

I actually give Britney credit for making some sort of an attempt here, but the band on the Titanic had a more realistic shot at being saved that her marriage does. Look, moving 1,926 miles away won’t magically make your problems disappear. Your husband will still be a worthless wigger and you’ll still be the idiot who married him. So instead of crying because Kevin screwed a stripper over tempura and lobster at Nobu, you’ll be crying because Kevin screwed a stripper over onion rings and a Browne Earthquake at the truckstop Dairy Queen. Good work.

Britney allegedly claims US Weekly stole these happy family “candid” pictures of her from a while ago, which really means she had her hair and makeup professionally done that day and had someone take these candid photos so she could slip them under US Weekly’s door in an envelope marked “Candid Photos of Britney Spears’ Really Awesome, Happy Family.”

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Britney Spears is reportedly leaving California to move back to her home state of Louisiana because she feels the Malibu lifestyle is not helping her already shaky marriage. She wants…
Gonna Link This World For a While By jenny June 29, 2006

Kate Bosworth and Brandon Routh on TRL [Popsugar] Someone finally says, “No.” to Paris Hilton [Hollywood Rag] Teri Hatcher and her bikini on the beach [Egotastic] Jessica Alba loves it…
Maria Sharapova Gives Good Toe By jenny June 29, 2006
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Here’s Maria Sharapova yesterday at the Wimbledon Championships. 9 out of the 10 gynecologists who were interviewed agree camel toe here is perfectly acceptable and encouraged. They did, however, warn that looking at camel toes here and here are bad for your eyes and have side effects which include dizziness, nausea and diarrhea. The one gynecologist who did not agree ended up not being a gynecologist, but said he, “did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

Here’s Maria Sharapova yesterday at the Wimbledon Championships. 9 out of the 10 gynecologists who were interviewed agree camel toe here is perfectly acceptable and encouraged. They did, however, warn…
Josh Duhamel is Tough By todd June 29, 2006
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Josh Duhamel was in such a hurry to get into the bathroom at L.A.’s Bella nightclub on Tuesday that he got into an altercation with rocker Tommy Lee.

…A witness tells us the drama unfolded after Duhamel pounded on the men’s room door and yelled “Hurry up!” while Lee was inside. “One of Josh’s friends said, ‘Stop, Tommy’s in there,’ ” reports our spy. “Josh replied, ‘Tommy who? Tommy Lee, who cares?’ Tommy heard that and came out of the bathroom. Words were exchanged and Josh ended up on the floor – I don’t know if he was pushed or punched. Josh bolted outside and called for Tommy to meet him and ‘fight like a man.’ Tommy was restrained and sent out the back door by security. Josh never did get to use the bathroom.”

I don’t know if Josh had a good excuse for hitting the floor or not, because if he didn’t, he just got beat up a guy that a 5th grader with no arms could bench press.

Josh’s girlfriend, Fergie, June 10th at the Raisa Gorbachev Foundation Party:

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Josh Duhamel was in such a hurry to get into the bathroom at L.A.’s Bella nightclub on Tuesday that he got into an altercation with rocker Tommy Lee. …A witness…