Tom Cruise Has a Little Help From His Friends

Tom Cruise’s pals over at the Church of Scientology have been seen purchasing hundreds of tickets at a time to help boost the sales of Mission: Impossible 3 which brought in a disappointing $47.5 million during its opening weekend.

Convincing easily tricked cult members to invest their money to pay your bills and help keep your floundering career afloat isn’t very hard to do, Tom. If you can train a dog to rob a bank using a Jerky Treat as his only weapon, or John Wayne to rise from the dead and beat the crap out of you, then I might consider watching another one of your movies. If you can train Lindsay Lohan to not to be a skanky whore, then I might actually pay to see another one of your movies. Hooray for saving money! Suze Orman has nothing on me.

“Okay, Kate. We’re supposed to look for the Scientologist holding the big, yellow sign and park in front of that. Ah, there she is…”